Queenie - the diary of a sex kitten.

The horn again

2008-05-19T23:29:00.002+10:00

I feel like I was a horny monster today. I was in that state where I look over and seriously (and more leniently) assess a man's sexual potential than I usually would. My gropey little fantasies about the bloke at my work were cranked up a notch. Not only was I staring at his veiny arms with misty eyes, but I found myself contemplating what his skin might taste like, and what it might be like to snog him. I was even seeing the sex appeal in one of my fellow trainees, whom I frankly would never shag. But the mental image did cross my mind. And on a few occasions, I found myself contemplating dashing off to the toilet for a quick fiddle, despite the relatively high traffic in the toilets. As it was, I fluttered my PC muscles to exercise them, trying not to let on when it sent chills up my spine.

Breaking a minor dry spell

2008-05-19T12:38:00.005+10:00

The phone rang. I briefly caught sight of the caller ID as I picked it up: Gabe. Ah.

Me: Hel-lo!
Him: Okay, I'm just about to have a shower, then I'm coming over.
Me: Okay, cool!
Him: So I'll probably be there in about an hour.
Me: Great, see you then!
Him: Bye!

I pottered around for a while, full of gleeful sexpectation. It had been over a month, and I was gagging for it.

When he knocked on my door and I let him in, I once again noticed a slight awkwardness about him. Two nights before, when he had just arrived in town, we both ended up at the pub with the same group of friends. We had sort of gravitated towards each other, and a few kisses had been exchanged. Enough to get me fired up, though he had made a comment at one point, that I was making it hard for him to keep his hands off me, as if keeping his hands off me was what he should be doing. I shrugged it off, as I knew him to be quite private with his affections, as a general rule.

In any case, a bit of flirtation was all it took for us to start kissing when he arrived at my place. One thing that had always stood out about him to me was that he tends to keep his kisses closed-mouthed. But this time, he parted his lips and snogged me properly, which pleased me. Pressed against him as I was, I could feel him getting excited very quickly, his body generating insane amounts of heat, and his breath coming in gasps as our hands went under each other's shirts. He pulled mine off me, and I returned the favour, pressing myself against his hot skin, and letting my breath and a few kisses trail down his throat to his chest. I was surprised to hear him moaning and whimpering, as I had always known him to be fairly quiet. I wondered briefly whether he was taking a leaf out of my book: the other night, he had asked why I set off so easily, and why I'm so noisy. I had explained that I didn't like suppressing my pleasure for the sake of embarrassment, or wanting to keep my dignity, so I just let go, and enjoy my sex life to the fullest.

We stumbled towards the bed, him kicking off his shoes in the process. We clung to each other again, still standing, and continuing to snog. I ran my hands down his naked torso, and unbuttoned his jeans. He unbuttoned mine, and as we took them off, we lay down on the bed together. He was on top of me very quickly, grinding against me and moaning. A few times, the tip of his cock pressed against my vulva, with only our underwear in the way. I reached into his underpants and trailed my fingertip over the head of his cock, before taking it in my hand and stroking him. A few times, it looked like he was going to relieve me of my underwear, but instead he would rub my pussy through my undies, which actually brought on my first orgasm. He slipped his hand into my undies and trailed his fingers along my slit. I could tell that I was wet and slippery. In the end, I took off my underwear myself. He kept his undies on until I got out a condom -- I suspect he might still be a little self-concious, which I found mildly amusing. It didn't stop him from putting the condom on and sliding his cock inside me though. I ran my hands over his back and arse as he fucked me, in short, shallow thrusts to start with, then going deeper, plunging into me right to the hilt.

My second orgasm hit within moments, melting into my third and fourth, by which time I was screaming at the top of my lungs. He only briefly paused to exclaim over the amount of noise I was making -- I certainly drowned him out. We switched so that I could ride him, me still shaking and uncoordinated from the orgasms I'd already had. When I straddled him and lowered myself down onto his cock again, we rocked together urgently, and I clenched all my muscles around him. I think I came again at some point there, and I could feel him building up too, before he suddenly stopped me and pulled out, throwing me back onto my back. "I don't want to come yet," he explained, and stuck his cock inside me again, fucking me hard and fast. I just held on for dear life. I'm pretty sure I had another orgasm before the last one hit, and I screamed again as he came inside me.

I still twitched and spasmed after he pulled out and collapsed next to me, breathing heavily. "That was insane," he murmured as I still twitched and arched, before winding down myself. Once I had done so, we lay next to each other with one arm lazily draped over each other.

"Well, another dud root," he observed, tongue firmly in cheek. I chuckled at that. "Oh, well I'm sorry." He paused. "That was deepest sarcasm, you know." I grinned and snuggled into my pillow. "Yeah, I know."

We had a brief break, during which we discussed musicals that we had both seen, which was kind of fun. I got up and pottered around a bit, half-clothed again, before he beckoned me back to bed as I walked past. A thorough snog led into a second round, though this one was a little less raucous. I rode him to climax this time, sometimes drawing it out by moving very slowly. When he came, he set me off too, and we curled up together.

He had to leave shortly afterwards, as he had a few things to do. He also informed me that this would probably be our last encounter, as he has a real relationship that has appeared on the horizon. Oh well. I suppose it does explain that slight awkwardness I had noticed about him. I was amused though to find out that our dalliance had lasted longer than any of his real relationships thus far. Well, I hope he has better luck with this girl. We had a cup of tea together and exchanged some sound files before he went on his way. We parted with a hug and a peck on the lips -- personally, I would have liked to give him a last devastatingly sexy snog, but that just wasn't going to happen. Oh well.

As it was, I still wanked myself to another five orgasms throughout the evening, and one more when Stripey called to have a lovey dovey chat and hear how my day had been. It brought my grand total of orgasms for the day to 14. Not too shabby.

Randomly, I got a visit from a former shagrat today. Back in the day, I had always jokingly referred to him as Fabio when people asked me about him, due to his prettyboy appearance, so I suppose that's what he will be known as here. Our dalliance had ended over a year ago, but we had caught up once, platonically, since then. As it turned out, his phone had met an untimely end, and he had thus lost my phone number, and his only way of contacting me was visiting me, so there he was at my door. I was mildly perplexed, but pleased enough to see him. I'm not sure if he wants to start something again or what... last thing I'd heard was that he had a girlfriend, but he said nothing of that now. Well, we'll probably be catching up sometime soonish, so I guess I'll find out what the go is. I'm not sure if I'd do him again... the sex was pretty damn good, but that had been pretty much all that was keeping us together. Sure, we occasionally went out and did something together, and he is pleasant enough company, but I don't find him terribly stimulating outside the bedroom. Still, it should be nice to catch up with him.

Yeah but no but yeah but

2008-05-15T22:43:00.002+10:00

I wonder: has anyone here ever had that weird syndrome where you find someone insanely attractive, but the tought of sleeping with them almost kind of repulses you? I know that at least one of my female friends has had that, so I'm wondering if it's a girl thing, or a rare thing, or totally common.

I'm currently trialling for a new job, and there is quite a bit of training involved. One of the people who does the training is, to put it mildly, a sexy bitch. Of course, there is the whole professional relationship thing, so it's a no go anyway, but even as I perve at him, I know deep down I don't want to actually fuck him, even if it weren't for the social barrier. And I'm not even sure what it is. The other day, when he was addressing us newbies as a group, I found myself surreptitiously staring at where his shirt was tucked into his pants, neat and smart as you please. And my hands had a deep urge to untuck that shirt and stroke his torso, knowing full well that I'd encounter rock-hard muscle. The man is very fit, and on occasion, his shirt drapes in a way that showcases a beautiful set of pecs. When I'm lucky, I catch a glimpse of an erect nipple poking through the material. And another thing that makes him almost intolerably sexy: his veins pop out of his arms like crazy! I can see them criss-crossing over the backs of his hands, and running up his arms into his short sleeves.

Actually, now that I'm not looking at him, I'm even having thoughts of my hands not leaving it at untucking the shirt, but also opening his belt buckle, unbuttoning his pants, and trailing into his pubes, assuming he doesn't wax or anything like that. But beyond that, my brain won't let me get any further. I suspect that if he were standing in front of me now, I wouldn't even be able to go as far as the pubes, in my imagination. My brain just sort of baulks. I have, experimentally, tried to build him into a sexual fantasy, and it just won't work, which I find intriguing. I still blissfully perve at him nonetheless, but something about him just puts it totally out of the question for me, and I just can't put my finger on what it is. It makes me wonder if it is really something about him, or perhaps the professional relationship that puts him in a superior position to me. I wonder if that's the big turn-off. Because apart from his gorgeous body, he is also a pretty good-looking man, and he has that kind of neatly cropped hair that I have developed a strange obsession with. But, to tell you the truth, I can't even really imagine him having a penis (let alone the ability to get an erection), though I assume that he must have one, of course. I mean, the chances of him being a eunuch are kind of remote. And, if I try to play the completely unrealistic scene of him propositioning me, my reaction in that scene, every time, is a double-take followed by "What the fuck? Um, no."

It's an interesting phenomenon. It's almost as if my appreciation of his body were purely aesthetic, but it can't just be that, because I know that I got pretty wet perving at him the other day, and I actively avoided him at lunch, for fear of my heart jumping into my mouth.

By contrast, there's another fellow, on the same level as him, but who has not actively trained any of us. I have had the occasional brief chat with him, and when we parted after our most recent one, I found myself thinking, well yeah, I would. He's nothing to be sneered at, either, though perhaps a tiny little bit more on the cute side. I've certainly not spent anywhere near as much time ogling him, but my subconcious does come up with possibilities of seducing this one, though I'm pretty sure that that would be a terrible idea, too, and I have no intention of finding out. But the question remains: what the hell is it about the other guy? Do I just have a very effective "professional relationship, no touchie" filter? Or does the previously mentioned bloke just totally not smell right? Actually, I don't think I would know, because I haven't really come in a close enough vicinity of him to get a whiff of his pheromones. Mind you, impeccable as he is, I suspect he somehow manages to not sweat, and thus not smell sexy. And he also carries himself in a somewhat unapproachable way, and smiles only rarely. That could be it, actually: a broad smile is one of the sexiest thing a man can have, and he doesn't have it. There's something kind of stern about him, and it wards me right off.

Odd. Very odd. I suppose I should be grateful that I'm not consuming myself with an actual desire to fuck him senseless, and am instead left with this little puzzle, but it still occupies my mind at times. I don't know, has anyone here experienced anything similar, or am I just weird?

Would you like cheese with that?

2008-05-12T11:16:00.002+10:00

I find it kind of interesting how within a few months, I have developed a bit of an aversion to mainstream erotica. I never liked it much in the first place, but now it actually kind of makes me shudder. I have just gotten so used to the stuff I've been involved with, which is all au naturel, and proud of it.

I only realised it now, when I was randomly directed on to the Australian Penthouse Aussie Babes Gallery. Sure, some of them still look reasonably nice, but many of the popular ones seem incredibly cheesy. It always makes me wonder. How did that become sexy? And I don't just mean things like Penthouse. I mean the straight out cheesy porn, too. It's not like say "Ooooh yeah, baby, your cock is so big" when I'm in the sack with a fellow, whilst clumsily groping my own boobs.

I wonder if it's as simple as the fact that mainstream porn is a primarily male-run infustry, fuelled by male fantasies. How many of these men who make mainstream porn have seen a genuinely vocal, enthusiastic woman in the sack? Do they even know what it's supposed to be like?

I suppose it's no wonder I get a kick out of having people witness the way I orgasm. It feels like I'm putting the word out there. And I know that few men are prepared for it when they first experience me coming. I have come to very much enjoy that wide-eyed, stunned, and ultimately gleeful expression on their faces. Many of them spend some time groping for words. My favourite reaction thus far actually came from Luke. The first time he experienced me having an orgasm, he looked at me in wide-eyed astonishment, and a big grin slowly spread over his face before he said, "Wow! Cool!"

So I can't help but think, surely the faked orgasms in mainstream porn can't be more interesting than a real woman mid-enthusiastic climax. It's certainly not for me. It's always going to be the latter that makes my heart pound, and I'm only vaguely bisexual, really.

I guess what I'm getting at is, maybe women should be less afraid to showcase their sexuality and be proud of it. Many women complain about how they hate porn, but I'm starting to think that perhaps the everyday woman does have the power to change the mainstream idea of what female beauty is. I just find myself shrugging at best, and cringing at worst when I see one of those stereotypical big-boobed, bare-pussied, bleach-blonde bunnies. But only recently, a masturbation video of a dreadlocked hippie girl with a fairly normal physique got my pulse racing. But yet many a woman tries to emulate the former, or at least looks to the big-boobed bunny for a standard in beauty, instead of the earthy hippie goddess.

Well, at the end of the day, I suppose it does still come down to taste.

Hormonal analysis

2008-05-06T23:47:00.002+10:00

It's funny how the presence of regular pelvic floor muscle exercise, combined with lack of sex, can make a woman acutely aware of her cycle. At least, I have been finding this over the last few weeks. The peaks in randiness are astounding, I had forgotten how my body does that. I suppose it helps that I have been working out lately too... that does tend to contribute to the horn. I am back in that state where I can be horny without really realising it.

Case in point: after plopping down on the couch to watch No Reservations (it was a movie-renting kind of night), I ended up with my hands sneaking down my pants. This, in itself, is not in the least bit unusual. Idle hands and all that... no, much more notable was that as soon as I flexed my fingers to brush my G-spot, I was coming, and coming hard. Not only that, but I kept coming, for maybe thirty or forty seconds. This is by no means by record, but over the last few months, it has certainly been harder to get to that point. But tonight, it was unintentional, and I surprised myself so much that I almost fought my extended orgasm. Not only that, but I brought myself to three more, which were of a similar caliber. I admit that Aaron Eckhart was sort of doing it for me, despite that cleft in his chin.

Looks like I have surmounted that wall that had built up between me and my extended orgasms. I'm glad.

The first few glimpses

2008-05-02T00:16:00.002+10:00

Hah! I am so fucking stoked! I have seen the first preview photos available of my nude adventures in the world of erotica. Only two photos, and backstage ones at that, but it still fills me with utter glee.

Also, gmail is being an absolute fucking twat at the moment. It's not letting me send anything! Grrrrrr.

Work-out

2008-04-30T23:34:00.002+10:00

I really hadn't realised just how much I had let my PC muscles go. It's no bloody wonder that my orgasms aren't what they used to be! A few days ago, I have started seriously exercising them again, and I am already seeing results. Or rather, feeling them. My orgasms are already becoming more intense and long-lasting again, and I am also getting wetter again! I hadn't realised how much of a difference it made. As a side benefit, which I hadn't even really noticed, my bladder is a bit more resilient, too. Totally obvious, I know, but I honestly hadn't noticed the difference.

I just had a conversation with my housemate about how the labia minora can really make intercourse more challenging. ::chuckle::

A new theory, and some musings stemming from it.

2008-04-28T22:56:00.003+10:00

It's a doozy: the female "rape" fantasy. Of course, those words having passed my metaphorical lips, I immediately have to add this: No, women do NOT want to be raped, and if you believe that they do, you are a fucking moron.

There, that's out of the way. Now on to what I've wanted to say: something occurred to me today. Okay, no woman wants to be raped, but there does seem to be this universal little fantasy that seems to bubble up from the depths of our reptilian brains. What's up with that? I mean, there does seem to be something in it that is consistent with the rape theme, doesn't there? And to explain what occurred to me, I'm afraid I'll have to delve into the concept of rape a bit more. My apologies, I'll try to make it quick.

When you get right down to it, what is rape all about? A man getting so turned on that he just loses control? Shyeah, right. If you honestly think that, then go crawl back into your cave. It's not like only attractive girls get raped. It's about control. Sure, I'll concede that there probably are cases of rape out there where a guy starts out getting normally friendly with a girl, and she draws the line, he gets pissed off, and rapes her. But by then, from my understanding, it's fuelled by the anger at having the control taken away, rather than actual arousal.

In a "civilised" world where, let's not candy coat here, women are still in more danger of that sort of shit than men, women tend to cling to their control. And let's face it, you really can't fault them.

But I reckon that beneath that vice grip on that control, there is a desire to let go, and, even more importantly, for it to be safe to lose control. But even that loss of control isn't the be all and end all. Judging by a little stray fantasy that entered my mind today, I can have a stab at what it is: it is a desire to not be the one in control when entering into coitus with someone one is insanely attracted to, but, for some reason, shouldn't be sleeping with. It washes our hands of the responsibility. And many a woman may lust like crazy after some particular man who is taboo, like maybe someone with whom she has a strictly professional relationship, or a housemate, or a friend's spouse... she may not even let herself really fantasise about it, because she's a good girl and would not do that, it's just not on, and she can't get into it. But what if this hot piece of manflesh were to sneak under the covers with her, flooding her in those delicious pheromones, and though she wants it, she still says no, but her words are drowned out by heated kisses until she hangs limp in his grip, dripping wet, ready to be taken?

Sound familiar? Yeah, Mills and Boon built a fucking empire on this shit. And it does sell. While I admit I have never read any of them, I get the impression that a large chunk involve the feisty lassie asserting her toughness (Psh!) by, well, being feisty and oh-so-inflamed and angry at the smug muscle-bound alpha male, who proceeds to strip away her defenses with his, er, sex appeal (oh, she so wants it!), and gives her a thorough rogering. It's always made ever so clear that she just wants him so fucking much, even though she, you know, technically hates his guts. Which, by the way, leads into the hate-fuck, which in turn fits well into that theme.

I guess what it boils down to is that the line of consent is blurred. But even so, it can still be defined: she wants it on a primal level, but has some other issues, usually something to do with society not deeming it acceptable, that make her say no. It's still a thing that can't truly be recognised in real life.

So this, I suspect, is how the fanasy works. And some rapists do seem to say, "Oh, she wanted it, the little slut". Again, if this is a belief of yours, I advise you not to say that in front of a militant lesbian, or even a sweet yet assertive lass like myself, because I certainly couldn't guarantee that you would leave with your reproductive system intact. Let's dispel another myth here: "Sluts" do NOT want to be raped EITHER. Some people seem to have this fucked-up idea that you can't rape a whore, because she loves it. Fuck. Off. Let me tell you something: it already pisses me off enough that some peopel seem to believe that I will fuck anyone who asks, no matter what, just because I am sexually liberated. No. N-O. NO.

Let me clarify something here, while I'm on the topic: I love sex. And if I am attracted to someone, chances are, I will try and get into that person's pants, and not give a flying fuck about "waiting" or the "slut" stereotype. But if I'm not attracted to someone? They don't have a popsicle's chance in hell. And if someone tried to get pushy on me, and would not listen to polite refusals, no, I would not stop at kicking their arse.

Over the last few years, I have been shocked to hear recounts from my female friends who had sex with someone, because they deemed it to be safer to just play along. They were basically pressured. And just the other day, I myself fended off the advances of a man of whom I suspect that he is the type who ends up getting lucky with those women who don't fucking speak up for fear of ensuing violence. The guy wasn't even a bad person, from what I could tell, but he seemed to have developed this perception that if you push hard enough, and break into the fortress of a woman's defenses, you're home free, and it's all okay. It doesn't help that many women who aren't interested don't have the guts (for whatever reason) to just say no. I did politely refuse this man, and push him away, and he behaved. But I still felt dirty afterwards, partly because I couldn't help but wonder how many women slept with him just because they decided saying No wasn't worth the potential danger. It makes me sick, because guys like him probably wouldn't become rapists, if you just made it clear he didn't have your consent. It's just one little word. One word is all it takes to make it crystal clear. So many of us are so paralysed by fear that we don't even get out of the situations we do have some control over, and that's just fucking stupid.

And, on the other side of that particular spectrum, I do actually think it would be nice if less women who are interested in the fellow felt the need to be wheedled into bed over a period of who knows how long, just to satisfy their own fragile egos. Grow up. You're not bloody helping. While it's fine to want to take a relationship slowly, and be clear about your motives, it's another matter entirely if you're playing "hard to get", and keeping someone guessing, just because you need them to validate your attractiveness. We really don't need the line any more fucking blurred than it already is.

Yes, I have said before that I think a lot of my fellow women are full of shit. And it is that kind of behaviour that I mean. But even so, there is never, EVER and excuse for sexual coersion. Guys, if you're going to be fulfilling a girl's "rape" fantasy, chances are it will be previously agreed on, with safe words. It's the illusion of losing control. And frankly, I'd be tempted to say that if a girl plays "hard to get", then bloody drop her. Chances are, she's not worth it, and only reinforces a negative stereotype. Both men and women have their share of responsibility to take here. And at the end of the day, it is never EVER the victim's fault, so anyone trying to push the blame on them can just fucking fuck off. Even if the victim is one of those reinforcers of negative stereotypes.

Okay, I'm done with the vitriol. So much for keeping the delving into rape part short.

Always the way

2008-04-25T23:35:00.002+10:00

Today, I got propositioned to be the co-dominatrix in a threesome of sorts. The other two parties being a male dom and a female sub.

I had to decline, of course, as I am currently attempting to be monogamous. Sure, I've been tingling like crazy the last few days -- it's been ten days since I last had a cock inside me, so I am approaching that two-week insanity mark where I just want to fuck something now, damn it -- but I still have more willpower than that.

Actually, a thing that I am awaiting much more impatiently than the green light to have sex again is to see the fruits of my labour. But it's still a little while to go until then, unfortunately. Aargh!

A tragedy

2008-04-25T11:44:00.002+10:00

One of the big problems about being fluid bonded is that it really complicates blowjobs. With Stripey being so far away most of the time, if I wanted to give head to someone, it would always have to be with a condom. If you ask me, that takes a lot of the fun out of it. If you think fucking with a condom is just not the same as without, try sucking with a condom. For me, it just ruins the experience, so I only do it very rarely. As a result, blowjobs have become a much more intimate thing for me, more intimate than actual intercourse. Not that that's a bad thing, because I think a blowjob does require a lot more loving attention than just climbing onto a cock and grinding against it does.

The thing is, as a result of this, Stripey is pretty much the only person I ever go down on. And with him away for such long stretches of time, the result is that I get out of practise. Sure, I still retain my basic technique, but my endurance and my fine-honed skill is pretty much gone. I became painfully aware of this on the few occasions when I went down on him while he was here. And even worse, my gag reflex seems to have increased! Nooooooooo! I hadn't realised how much of a difference my teenage attempts to suppress my gag reflex had actually made. Looks like I'll have to get back into practise with that again.

I suppose there's also the fact that back in the days when I was still in practise, Stripey and I didn't see each other as much as we do when we're on the same continent. As a result, we always had time to build up that withdrawal-symptom arousal. I fondly remember one incident when I popped into his office, and we ended up locking the door, so I could gleefully suck him off. I made small work of him, and walked away satisfied that I had done a samaritan deed -- he had been really stressed out, and the orgasm had improved his state of mind.

But at the moment, I seem to be completely incapable of finishing a blowjob, and that really irritates me. If I weren't fluid-bonded and temporarily monogamous, I'd be tempted to round up a few of my male acquaintances and say, "Excuse me, do you mind being my blowjob guinea pig? I need practise."

Oh well. I suppose that's what root vegetables are for. While they don't exactly give you feedback, they can come in handy in terms of increasing endurance and suppressing that pesky gag reflex.

Watch me.

2008-04-24T23:21:00.002+10:00

Perhaps I am a flaming narcissist. I'm certainly pretty fucking vain. And, by the looks of it, a bit of an exhibitionist. Maybe they're interchangable.

My recent dip into the Amateur Porn industry has kick started a few interesting things inside me. As I very briefly mentioned in the post linked here, it was a positive experience. I had never expected this to happen, especially as I was already pretty happy and confident with the way I look, but... well, that feeling of being happy in my own skin has actually increased. Now, more than ever, do I look at myself with my little pockets of flab, cellulite, stretch marks and all, and think myself beautiful. Even when I'm having a "fat day", I can still look at myself and like what I see. It's like I have become less self-critical as a result of this.

But that's not all of it. I also discovered that I liked the idea of people looking at explicit nudes of me. And it makes me hope that I get a call again sometime soon, for the sake of one of the masturbation videos. I like the thought of people seeing them. I want to be able to say, "Hey people, this is how a real woman comes! Watch and learn." I guess it comes from having masturbated in front of quite a few lovers in my time. Originally, it was a combination of still being horny post-coitus, and wanting to show my lover what to aim for when attempting to get me off. But, I guess, as I time went on, I started to get off on having someone watch me. And having me in the throes of my pleasure on film, being watched by who knows how many people... well, the thought is kind of satisfying.

And it was with this thought in mind that I wanked myself silly today. I had already had two orgasms for the day -- one before getting up, and one whilst on the phone with Stripey -- but ended up wanking to what must have been another five. It was greedy and hot and in rapid succession. And they were pretty damn good orgasms, too. I came quite close to fisting myself, near the end. But I suppose I was pretty fucking horny anyway. In fact, I have been taking a lot of opportunities for flirtation lately, even if I am currently being sort of monogamous.

To grope, or not to grope, that is the question.

2008-04-24T15:15:00.002+10:00

The other day, I had this entry brought to my attention. The tone with which it was mentioned? A great evil, a horrible thing.

So I read it, trying to figure out what the deal with all the vitriol was. And frankly, I didn't really get it. Something about reading the entry made me a little uneasy, but why the big outpouring of hate? There seemed to be a conviction that the events recounted were downright misogynistic. What the hell?

Don't get me wrong, I think the so-called "Open Source Boob Project" had many flaws. Mostly, it didn't take into account the fact that, guess what? Women are wrought with insecurity and bloody obsessed with the notion that they're being objectified. I honestly think it causes many a woman to go off half-cocked. Starting that sort of project with such an emotionally explosive social group (I'm sorry, okay?) is bound to get messy eventually.

I know I'm probably totally betraying the sisterhood here, but I frankly think that women should learn to understand that just because a man is preoccupied by her breasts, that doesn't mean that he thinks her breasts are all there is to her. Remember, men are less well-equipped to multitask than we are. It is a physiological fact. Therefore, he will most likely pay attention to what preoccupies him most, and guess what that tends to be? Ka-ching! Yep, it's the boobies. No need to be offended about it. I say just give him time to get over it, and then show him that, yes, you're smart, too. Then you can preoccupy him with that. Or something.

My point is, I'd be very surprised if, in the moments when a man stares at a woman's breasts, he's thinking, "Oh, look at this complete embodiment of who this person is, I know everything I need to know about her just by looking at her breasts." Er. Doubtful. Sorry, but I still choose to have a little bit more faith in my male counterparts than that.

No, I think the real problem with the open-source boob project is that it was dealing with a bit of a touchy subject, pardon the pun. Really, I do think it's kind of a nice idea, in theory. Unfortunately, "In theory" is the operative term here. In an ideal world, where women (and people in general, really) are less worried about validation, it would be kind of nice to be able to ask, and to be able to get an honest reply, without discomfort. That's the thing, women do have a tendency to feel pressured, even if that's not the intention. And that, unfortunately, probably comes down to it being an evolutionary advantage dating back to the stone age. I'm not going to go into it now, but if you really want to investigate, you might like to read The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine, M.D.

And even if a woman is very confident in herself, and will quite happily say "Yeah, sure have a bit of a feel if you want"/"Nah, I'd rather you didn't, no offense or anything," (for pity's sake, be polite!) there are other issues. Sure, we can go on about how a woman would feel pressured to give her consent, or wouldn't want to seem prudish, or would want validation of her attractiveness, but frankly, I think that's a lot of wank. All that comes down to is, in my book, an unhealthy lack of confidence, which the rest of my sisters should really bloody well own up to instead of making it the problem of the men out there. Feel free to slam me for this, I probably deserve it, but it has to be said. I'm not going to pull any punches here just because we have the same bits between our legs.

The biggest problem in my eyes is this: there's still the matter of choice. A woman may be perfectly happy to have one stranger feel her breasts, but feel a lot less happy about another doing the same, for whatever reason. What if they're standing next to each other? Oops. Talk about a minefield. Of course, if you don't mind treading on a couple of toes, then I suppose that's not a problem either, but I think the object of the exercise was not to tread on any toes or make anyone feel uncomfortable here.

I guess that's what it boils down to: there is just too much potential for discomfort here, even if it's not intended. A bit of a pity, really, because a lot of this would probably be much less of an issue if we were all more confident in ourselves and our own attractiveness. In fact, I'd say let's all go lynch the media, instead of getting into fights amongst ourselves, but fat chance of that happening. A better alternative would probably not to let the unrealistic ideals of beauty we are presented with get to us, and just like ourselves the way we are.

I'm probably repeating myself a lot here, so I'll try and wrap it up now. I wanted to say a whole lot more about the whole objectification thing, and how it would probably bother us less if we weren't to a certain extent made to believe this objectification ourselves, but I've crapped on enough here.

Grab your dick and double-click for porn, porn, porn!

2008-04-20T20:29:00.002+10:00

Okay, I've been holding back on this for ages, but here goes: I have recently become involved in the world of amateur porn.

It's difficult to write about this, mostly because I'm not sure how much I can say without giving away precisely whom I got naked and sweaty in front of the camera for. And even more aggravatingly, I don't want that to be a worry, because it's certainly not a matter of embarrassment or anything. I'm not terribly worried about the possibility of someone I know coming across the stuff featuring me, and getting off to it, or, alternatively, being disgusted at me.

No, what's more of a worry is the implications this kind of thing can have on someone's career. This society seems to believe that if anyone (especially a woman) has participated in some sort of pornographic thing, they're good for nothing else. If you boil it down even further, you could say that a horny woman is good for nothing but sex, and deserves no respect for her other skills. At least, that's a preconception that The Girl seems to have fallen victim to, and that seems to be alive and well.

Yes, men can complain about women putting up the "bitch shield", not letting them in, etc. And it is true, it only tends to filter out the nicest and most respectful, leaving the arseholes with less competition. But the fact remains: there's still some negativity towards women out there, and certainly some stigma towards women with a high sexual appetite. Many women feel the need to put up defenses, which unfortunately often backfire. The question is, what kind of "defenses" keep those that they are meant for at bay? I don't know.

That being said, I knew the risk I took, thought about it, and decided to go ahead. And I don't regret it. In fact, I'm glad I did it, enjoyed myself, and look forward to seeing the results. And I just wish that I could sing it loud, sing it proud, with my real identity and all, and not be judged for it. But I think we still have a ways to go before we get to that stage. Pity. But nonetheless, I have promised myself that if I ever get outted and someone tries to judge me, I'll bloody keep my chin up and say, "That's right, I did it, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that."

A happy place.

2008-04-19T19:42:00.002+10:00

I ended up taking part in an impromptu aerobics session today. It made me think of this clip:

Okay, so the lack of pussy wedgies is a tad unrealistic, but I still never get sick of watching this. Ever. Doesn't help that with Stripey back on the other side of the world, I'm horny as hell. I spent most of today anticipating an opportunity to wank. Probably why aerobics gave me such a pussy wedgie, my equipment was probably all engorged and spread apart.

My dear, your posterior looks ever so fetching.

2008-04-17T16:56:00.003+10:00

I got wolf-whistled and honked at a few times today, just on my way to getting groceries. This is mildly unusual, especially as I was just in a T-shirt and jeans. Okay, they were both quite form-fitting, but still. Although lately, when looking in the mirror, my arse has leapt out at me (figuratively speaking) as a positive attribute. Perhaps those squats I have been doing have toned it up a bit or something... the people who honked at me and wolf-whistled me were coming from behind.

So, are we going to fuck, or are you going to watch porn all day?

2008-04-13T14:03:00.002+10:00

Last night, Stripey and I went to our first ever swinger's party.

It was specifically for newbies, and for couples only.

We were the first to arrive. So much for being fashionably late. We had actually thought that our cab was a tad late, but we ended up arriving only five minutes after the appointed time.

We were greeted by the cheerful, buxom organiser, who answered the door in a little black see-through number that revealed her lingerie. We got a tour of the venue, which included a spa, several bedrooms with just normal double beds, and others which were practically bed landscapes, for the larger groups. It was a nice enough house, really, and nicely mood-lit.

Bit by bit, other couples started to file in, and the first two hours of the party were spent just mingling, chatting to various people, and so on. There were two or three couples that were of vague interest. Of course, they shall remain nameless, as I really can't be bothered to make up a fake name for six people just for the one single blog entry.

The first ones we chatted to were an attractive young pair, I'm guessing mid-twenties. They were nice enough, and I found myself looking at both of them and thinking, well yeah, I would. Amusingly, we also found that they had just celebrated their anniversary, and in fact had been together for only one day less than us. Still, I came to the conclusion that my attraction to the pair was purely physical, I didn't really feel any particular brain sparks. That, and their body language was kind of closed. I don't think they ever intended to have any sex that night. I suppose that's the problem with these newbie things: a lot of newbies are too shy to have sex the first time round, so I'm guessing that these parties end up a lot tamer than the ones chock-full of seasoned veterans.

The second couple were the most interesting in my eyes: a little bit older, I'm guessing early thirties. Attractive, friendly, and with a little common ground with us. Yeah, I thought, I definitely would. I thought I caught some appreciative glances from the fellow, and I noted that the girl was giving Stripey an open, relaxed smile as they talked. The signs would have all been good, if it hadn't been for the fact that she was clutching her drink close to her chest in a very protective gesture. Damn it, I thought, what the fuck are we going to do about that? How does one open up that kind of closed body language? She would occasionally drop her hands and open up a little, and by the end of the conversation, we were standing a little closer than at arms' length, but it just wasn't going to happen. Oh well.

The third couple we spoke to were a little older, and not really my cup of tea on a physical level, but they seemed like very nice people. The woman was a bit of an old hand at that scene, which was a nice contrast to all the shy newbies all over the place. We chatted for a bit, which was pleasant enough, and then drifted our seperate ways.

Of course, we met a whole lot of other people, but for the most part, names flew in one ear and out of the other. There were quite a few attractive people around, but few of them really out to get laid that night, by the looks of it.

A lot of us ended up congregating in the hidden TV room, up to twenty people crammed onto the huge couch, watching some very eighties-like porn. The young couple from earlier were sitting next to us, and we ended up deconstructing the porn, which was really pretty woeful. The scene involved a fairly normal slightly curvy brunette, and a very young-looking guy with a big dick and a terrible haircut. Ah, porn. We came to the conclusion that most men in porn aren't terribly attractive, so that the men who watch it don't feel superceded. I found myself wincing often at the way he tugged at her clit piercing, and it was obvious that she was dry upon the actual penetration, and occasionally he mask of "pleasure" would slip. It made me want to go out there and actually find some good porn. Something that was actually sexy, rather than just cheesy and cringeworthy. We eventually all got sick of that, and went for some lesbian porn instead. The girls in it were pretty hot, but I just wanted to groan at their repetitive fake orgasmic noises. Sheesh. I couldn't help but think, Shortbus was so much sexier than that.

That being said though, even when I think porn is absolutely shit, my body still does respond to it, I find. During the porn-viewing, a couple would occasionally get amorous and then wander off to find somewhere to fuck. Eventually, Stripey and I decided that actually having sex was preferable to watching a very woeful fake re-enactment of it. We went and claimed one of the smaller bedrooms, and canoodled for a bit. Stripey briefly wandered off to relieve himself, and I ended up in conversation with a fellow who happened to wander past the open door and spot me in my bra and jeans. When Stripey returned, the guy at the door asked if he and his lady could join in. I wasn't actually sure which one he had come with... I thought it might have been one of the slighly curvy thirty-something blondes I had spotted around the place. In any case, Stripey and I hadn't quite figured out how we felt about that, as we hadn't really spoken to this bloke before, and, seing our uncertainty, he backed off pretty quickly. It reminded me that in a setting like that, if you want it, you don't waste time about saying yes. I'm guessing if one of our first two couples had come a-knocking, we probably would have, though.

In any case, we left the door to our bedroom open, and I did occasionally notice someone hanging around outside, watching the action for a bit. We stripped down pretty quickly, and I kissed my way down Stripey's chest, heading for his cock. He was semi-hard, apparently still not quite warmed up to the setting, so I took him in my mouth and lovingly coaxed him to hardness. He wavered again as I put the condom on him, but still rose to the occasion enough to fuck me as raucously as we ever do. In fact, I think we attracted a bit of attention wih the noise we made, despite the fact that I made an effort to turn the volume down a bit. There were, after all, neighbours.

After Stripey withdrew, I ended up masturbating to another orgasm, for which I had an audience standing outside the door. It makes me wonder just how much of an exhibitionist streak I actually have.

Shortly afterwards, we got partially dressed again, and went to see what else was going on. The TV room was still crammed with porn watchers, which, post-coitus, I really couldn't fathom. Why watch it when you could be having it? Although we did go and watch some of the other less shy couples for a bit, including the third of the ones we had spent a reasonable amount of time talking to. They were going at it with quite a bit of gusto, though I found myself wondering just how obvious the average girl's orgasm is. I seem to really be unusually obvious.

We left the others to their coital activities, and wandered back to the spa, where one fo the male organisers was chilling for a bit. He left shortly afterwards, and I decided to go in for a bit. It's been a long time since I last submerged myself completely in nice warm water. Aaah, heaven. I really need a bathtub, I think. Stripey kept me company outside the spa, as he didn't feel like going in.

The party wrapped up pretty shortly after that, and after getting dressed, we called a taxi back home. It was actually really nice to be home again in our very friendly little place, which is a big contrast to how yuppie-ish the house of the party was.

Spanky spanky

2008-03-30T22:08:00.002+11:00

I am holding a rather nice wood and leather paddle which is simply begging to be broken in. Though I do believe I shall drill some holes in it when I get the chance.

Heh heh heh.

Me like my new toy.

Romping in the hay

2008-03-29T21:22:00.003+11:00

I figure it's time for a gratuitious post, it's been ages since I last wrote one. Not that I haven't had the fodder -- hell, I'm brimming with it, I don't know where to begin! I suppose that's my own silly fault for barely blogging over the last few weeks. Woe is me, it's all piling up on me. ::chuckle::

Two days ago, Stripey and I ended up in some rather spontaneous coitus. I love it when that happens. It was in the early evening, Stripey was in the backyard, doing some gardening and observing the sunset, while I was sprawled naked on one of our beanbag chairs, contemplating a recipe book, as it was my turn to cook dinner. There is a totally boring and mundane explanation for my nudity, let me assure you, but my state turned out to be of importance.

Once I had figured out the dinner for the evening, my thoughts began to wander. Specifically, I was having happy thoughts of sucking Stripey's cock. I considered wandering into the backyard and doing precisely that, but laziness and the increased gravity of the beanbag chair won out, and I ended up with my hands between my legs instead. Which was how Stripey found me when he wandered in to tell me that the sunset was really beautiful. He grinned at the sight of me.

Him: And here I thought you were doing boring recipe stuff. Here I was, blissfully unaware that you were playing with yourself.
Me: Well, I did do boring recipe stuff. And then I started thinking thoughts about you, and, well...
Him: Mmmh. See, I was going to say maybe you should come outside, that sunset is pretty appealing... but this is pretty appealing too.
Me: ::smiles::
Him: So what were you thinking about?
Me: Oh, you know... sucking your cock, swirling my tongue around the head of him...
Him: ::groan:: You should have come outside, I would have liked that.
Me: ::smile:: Yeah, I know.

He stayed crouched next to me as I brought myself to screaming orgasm, obviously getting increasingly hard. When I stopped coming, he leaned over me and kissed me hard, and I suddenly founded myself grabbed by the arms and hoisted up from my beanbag. I had a brief moment of confusion before he veritably marched me off to the bedroom, and pretty much chucked me down onto the bed. I had to giggle, because it's relatively unusual for him to be so forceful. I have to admit, I kinda like it. He efficiently stripped down to his birthday suit, cock sticking out like a flagpole, and positioned him between my legs, his shaft rubbing against my pubic hair.

He fumbled for a condom while I fumbled for some lube (yes, even horny girls like me need the stuff on occasion!), and shortly afterwards, he slid himself into me, the two of us grinning at each other. "God, I love fucking you," he said, still grinning, and thrusting into me. I chuckled and wrapped my legs around him. After a few moments, he rocked back into a sitting position, and pulled me up with him, so we were precariously balanced, but still thrusting, and rubbing against each other in all those gloriously sensitive spots. He lay back and I went to straddle him, so that I could ride him hard. We were still smiling widely and keeping intense eye contact as I rode him, neither of us holding back. It was as gleeful as sex gets, with the noises we made during build-up half-way between moans and laughter. I kept grinding into him, and suddenly found myself coming. Usually, we set each other off very quickly, but this time, Stripey was a little further behind me, and got to watch me come, and after an appreciative "Aw yeah", fell into orgasm himself, and we happily screamed our heads off as we continued to grind against each other.

When we came down, we were both laughing for a while, and I collapsed onto him, still giggling. We disengaged shortly afterwards, and cuddled up together.

Me: ::giggle:: You marched me off!
Him: ::nods vigorously with a big grin:: Yep!
Me: ::giggle::

The thing is, despite orgasm, Stripey didn't actually lose his erection, so he ended up donning another condom, and we went for round two. I'm pretty impressed, it seems like his sexual stamina is improving. Admittedly, the second round was somewhat more sedate, but still damn nice, and we came to another simultaneous orgasm. Yay! He then leapt out of bed to have a shower, and I flaked out for a bit, only that... well... I kind of started wanking again. Yeeeah, I'm incorrigible. Stripey caught me at it, and had to laugh. He hung around to caress me and kiss me as I worked myself to an admittedly kind of subdued last orgasm, before I finally give it a rest.

Horny? Me? Naaaah.

Resurfacing from the depths of obscurity

2008-03-17T12:21:00.002+11:00

Yes, I know it has been a long time since I last blogged. There are several reasons for this. For starters, Stripey and I have been insterstate, tramping through the countryside, and visiting friends and relatives.

We're also re-evaluating what we're willing to share with the public, and what we're keeping private. Anonymity is all well and good, but even so, some things are still private.

That being said, there are a few things I have been meaning to blog about, but not now. It's a busy day today, so the dirty stories will just have to wait. :-)

Hiding under the blankies

2008-02-24T13:16:00.002+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: 9, and NONE of them self-inflicted! Hah hah!

I had quite forgotten what it felt like to come properly. Last night was the first time in an absolute eternity that I was completely spent and giggling on quite that big an endorphin high.

I'm not sure I'll be writing anything much in the near future... there is sex to be had.

He came!!!

2008-02-22T22:36:00.002+11:00

Today's orgasm count: three, one from a thorough pussy-licking, two from a most epic and excellent shag that resulted in the sort of screaming that makes the neighbours fear what might be going on next door.

Yes, Stripey is here. And I'm gonna go cuddle him now, because I really can't be arsed to write more.

Anticipation

2008-02-21T11:04:00.002+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: three, self-inflicted.

I just got off the phone with Stripey. He is at the airport now, about to board the plane that will take him home. Or at least, about to board the first leg of his trip. In twenty-nine and a half hours, he will be in my arms again. I am fizzing and bouncing with excitement. Good thing today will be a busy day, it might help keep me distracted.

I'm a distracted wanker.

2008-02-20T22:53:00.002+11:00

I seem to remember reading somewhere that a woman's tendency to multitask can interfere with her ability to orgasm. Generally, that's not really a problem for me, I just come anyway, and end up with some weird conditioning because of the other things I might have been thinking of or looking at. But tonight, I definitely had a case of the former. It's not unusual for me to get bored while in front of the TV, so my mind wanders, and I get horny, and thus end up with my hands down my pants, irrespective of what happens to be on the TV screen. And usually, I have no problem tuning out the TV and getting off. But somehow, this wasn't working as I was sprawled out in front of House tonight. Perhaps that's because it's just a level up in the mindcandy stakes, and I guess the gross medical images that pop up are kind of a turn-off. Either that, or Hugh Lawrie really doesn't do it for me.

A package arrived in the mail today for my beloved. One of the things he has ordered to arrive here for our impending reunion. It gave me a few hours of bright curiosity before he happened to call and told me what was in it. I suppose I can wait to open it together now. :)

What I miss most

2008-02-19T22:41:00.002+11:00

Yes, I admit it, my libido is back. At least, I'm wanking again. That being said though, I find that what I miss most is... kissing. My lips feel neglected. It makes me want to lick or suck something, just for the sake of my poor neglected mouth. My fingertips find my lips a lot, just to carress them a little bit. The tip of my tongue rubs against the inside of my bottom lip. I want to be kissed deeply and firmly again.

Speaking of which, it reminds me of the last time I kissed my friend Zac. We have been friends for several years, and, in that time, have occasionally gotten somewhat heated with each other, sometimes to the point of sex. However, these occasions tend to be a year or more apart, and most of the time, we act like any other platonic friends, except perhaps for the occasional little private smirk we might share when something simultaneously reminds both of us of the times we have canoodled.

The last time we kissed, I realised that he is actually a fantastic kisser. On previous occasions, his kisses had been more of a formality on the way to sex. This occasion was different, as I guess he didn't have any intention to sleep with me that night. He had come to my place to hung out, we'd had dinner and slumped in front of the TV with a beer each, and somehow ended up scooting closer to each other. Before long, we were curled up together, almost shyly caressing each other. That's the thing about us: we always have to court/seduce each other anew, which I suppose is why we rarely have sex or even kiss. It's still an aberration from our normal interaction, and having to seduce the same damn person again and again gets pretty tedious. There are other things to pursue, really, which tend to be more rewarding.

Be that as it may, that night, the opportunity presented itself, and after our little courtship, we started to kiss, just for the sake of kissing. I guess that's why it was so nice: kissing was the goal, so he bothered to use his skill. I guess we all have our different preferences in how a kiss should be, which affects our kissing styles: in my case, I like my kisses deep. Sure, a bit of playing with lips only can be wonderful, but if it goes on for too long, and we don't get around to plundering each other's mouths, it gets on my nerves. The tongue seems to have received a bit of a bad rap, which I find a shame. Sure, you shouldn't slobber all over somone and ram your tongue down their throat or anything, but I still like my kisses with a bit of oomph. And Zac had that down to a tee. His kisses were firm, he used his tongue enough to not get on my nerves, but he was still non-invasive about it. One of the best kissers I have had the pleasure to kiss.

Things did progress to some fondling that night, with his nimble fingers dipping into my pussy, and rubbed my juices over my clit, keeping me on the verge of orgasm for who knows how long. I did actually have a very minor climax, but the brunt of my lust was still raging away when he had to leave. Moments after he had left, I was lying on my bed, my fingers plunged into my pussy, wanking to a glorious screaming orgasm.

I guess another reason I'm remembering that night right now is because I needed the same thing that night as I do tonight: someone to share those long, generous kisses with. Sure, sex would be nice, but right now, it's all about the kisses for me. That, and being held by someone who cares about me. Zac was kind enough to provide that last time, though it leaves me glad that we didn't sleep together that night. Much as he is a good friend, he did a bit too good a job of holding me and kissing me as if he loved me. It served to distract me of how I missed my beloved. The jury is still out on whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. But for now, I'm really wanting to kiss my beloved again, more than anything.

Stats

2008-02-19T18:11:00.001+11:00

Orgasm count since last post: five, self-inflicted.

Other than that, I really have nothing interesting to say.

Don't ask to give if you're not willing to take.

2008-02-17T21:45:00.003+11:00

Orgasm count since last entry: two, self-inflicted.

Internet dating sites are funny things. After a while, you do notice some prevailing patterns, I have found. The site that I have been trawling has a list of ticky boxes on your profile, where you can tick what sort of sexual activities, whether it be vanilla intercourse, oral sex, exhibitionism, softcore kinky stuff, or anal.

A thing that has always struck me is that the vast majority of the men on that site have the "anal - giving" box ticked. I have yet to find a man on that site who says he is willing to receive it. Now, I'm sure there are some good reasons for this: the female population of that site is only a fraction of the male one, and I often see a disclaimer on male profiles saying, "No, I'm not gay, so men, please stop propositioning me." I suppose professing a willingness to receive anal would imply an opening for the homosexual community on that site, pardon the pun. So I do understand why a man would not want to admit a willingness to take it up the arse, even if he might, in fact, be willing. That, and I suspect that a lot of men find the concept of receiving anal sex somewhat emasculating. A friend of mine, when I asked him about that, also pointed out that men are more programmed to stick their penises into things, rather than having one stuck into them.

So I do feel a certain amount of empathy there. But I can't help but think, you shouldn't profess an interest to sticking it in someone's arse if you're not willing to take it. It just seems a tiny bit rude. Which is why I tick neither box. Sure, I occasionally enjoy donning a strap-on and pegging a willing recipient, and I have no problem with being anally penetrated, so long as the phallus isn't absolutely enormous. But I suppose I don't want potential sex partners immediately asking me for anal, either. It's a strange sort of etiquette in my mind, I suppose. Maybe one day anal will be less of a touchy subject, and people will be more readily willing to do it, even with casual encounters, but I don't think today is that day. And perhaps anal will always belong into the category of things you do with someone you trust, rather than someone you have dirty sex on the washing machine with, and then never talk to again. I don't know, are there any people out there who would readily have anal sex in a casual encounter? Double points if it's receiving.

How to seduce a Nice Guy.

2008-02-16T00:07:00.006+11:00

Today, whilst talking to a few friends, they mentioned a mutual friend of ours who had been lamenting her lack of boyfriend during her high school years, or rather, her lack of obviously interested men. A male friend had turned around and said, "I can think of at least five guys who wanted you as their girlfriend at the time!"

This sparked a conversation about how the very attractive breed of woman rarely gets hit on, for fear of rejection, and it's in fact girls with a low self-esteem who get propositioned all the time. Not really a new concept, but when a similar thing came up in Todger Talk, I felt compelled to share one such experience of my own.

I met Derek a bit over a year ago, and quite by accident. I had wandered into a social gathering where a few of my more vague acquaintances happened to be. I found myself sitting next to Derek, and deciding that, given the opportunity, I'd fuck him. As the evening wore on, this escalated to me deciding to create such an opportunity.

The thing was, it was surprisingly difficult to gauge whether he reciprocated my attraction. Over a few weeks, I'd occasionally run into him, and while I generally got the feeling that he was interested, he seemed to actively avoid touching me, and move away when I tried to casually and flirtaciously touch him. Odd, I thought, but the signs were just encouraging enough for me not to be deterred. When he invited me to a party he was hosting, I considered this my opportunity to properly seduce him. It was all a fairly sedate affair, though it lasted deep into the night. I had craftily maneuvred it so that we'd be sitting on the same couch, and curled up in a way that made it impossible not to be in some sort of physical contact with him.

Eventually, the rest of the people present either left, or found somewhere to crash, leaving us alone in the living room. We tried to crash too, me on the couch, him in a recliner, but we ended up talking sleepily instead, wrapped in our blankets as we were. Before long, dawn was approaching, so we hauled ourselves and our blankets out onto the patio, figuring we might as well watch the sun rise. We sat down in the deck chairs, him still seeming to avoid physical contact a little. I can't remember how I ended up with his feet in my lap, but I guess he must have finally decided it was safe. I wasn't going to waste the opportunity, first resting my hand on his bare ankle, then stroking his leg a little with my thumb, which slowly led to our fingers intertwining, and me moving closer to him.

Everything up to that point had been that tentative mating dance. Always testing the waters, venturing further ever so slowly. But once we kissed, that changed. I found myself suddenly yanked out of my deck chair, and pulled into his lap, where frenzied kisses were quickly followed by him fondling my breasts, and then lifting my shirt to lick my nipples. Surprised? I certainly was, considering it had taken four weeks for us to even touch for longer than ten seconds.

Still, I didn't feel like having my breasts exposed for all to see, so after enjoying my initial taste of is affections (no pun intended), I pulled my shirt back down. After all, the windows of the house were large, and if anyone who happened to get up cared to look, they would have found my breasts on proud display. A thing I'd rather avoid, as this was a crowd I didn't consider deserving of that privilege. So we settled for some talking, with the occasional kiss, until our fellow partygoers eventually got up and filed out. One of them had claimed Derek's bed for the night, so when she left, we made sure to claim it back. It kind of impresses me that despite our sleep deprivation, things still got quite heated. We were naked within moments, with him going down on me with great gusto, and taking my advice on the fine art of Getting Queenie Off, so that I came pretty quickly. Due to my being fluid bonded to my beloved, I couldn't return the favour, and the lack of condoms that we trusted (we both had one which was too old for comfort), we couldn't fuck, so I was left with the hand job. The objective was reached, and we fell into an exhausted sleep shortly afterwards, but it still bothered me a little. I was glad that on our next encounter, I could rectify the discrepancy somewhat with my pussy.

In any case, my point is, it took quite a bit of effort on my part to get into his pants. And the impression I got was that he refused to believed that I actually was attracted to him. I practically had to slither into his lap before he believed it! So it makes me wonder just how much the Nice Guys are getting discouraged, to the point of becoming rather difficult to bed. But they are well worth it, trust me.

I've left my body to science, but I'm afraid they've turned it down.

2008-02-15T23:27:00.003+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: three, self-inflicted.

Today, in the name of science, I called one of the local places seeking human guinea pigs.

Me: Hello, my name is Queenie. I was wondering whether you have any studies at the moment requiring a young healthy female with no surgical oddities.
Phonegirl: (laughs) Yes, I think we do. One second... how about testing a cervical cancer vaccine?
Me: Sure, why not. Come to think of it, I must be due for a pap smear!
Phonegirl: Alright, let me take you through the questionnaire.
Me: Okay, cool. Ah, a chance to show off with my good habits and even better health.
Phonegirl: Now, some of these questions are personal.
Me: That's fine. Oh, she's about to ask me about my sex life.
Phonegirl: How many sexual partners have you had?
Me: (gives answer... no, I'm not telling you. ;-)) One double take coming up...
Phonegirl: Oh. Well, that knocks you out of that one.
Me: Really? Damn. I wonder if I can take it back.
Phonegirl: Yeah, for this particular study, we can't accept people who have had more than four sex partners.
Me: Wow. Nope. Shit, good luck finding participants.
Phonegirl: (laughs) Yeah, it's pretty hard to find young women in their twenties who match that criteria.
Me: I can imagine! Damn, that really would be hard!
Phonegirl: So anyway, there's another study on...

The rest is irrelevant. But I couldn't help but chuckle at having basically been told that I'm too much of a slut. And it's not the first time, let me assure you. The bloodbank will not accept my blood, mostly because it's rare for me to go a whole three months without acquiring a new sex partner. Also, apparently there is some weird objection to having someone ejaculating in your mouth, even if the ejaculator is definitely approved to be clean. Something to do with the squirting of the cum, and possible mucus membrane damage. No, I don't get it either. I wonder if it's wordlwide, or just regional.

Oh well. I'm not a big fan of huge needles, anyway.

Be still, my thrashing lover!

2008-02-14T23:38:00.002+11:00

I know I have mentioned before that I dislike having to keep quiet during orgasm, especially when it's with a partner, rather than just my hand. But I fucking hate it when I have to stay completely silent. It pisses me off that sex and pleasure are so un-PC that even I am too embarrassed to wank loudly when my flatmate's boyfriend happens to be in the next room. At times like this, I don't even allow myself to gasp, which is a major problem, as I get less of a supply of oxygen from the shallow, quiet breaths I take, so my body says, "Nope, I'm not gonna orgasm, not enough oxygen." Of course, I manage to convince it, which means that yes, I do come, but I can feel how the lid is on my orgasm, and my body is starved for oxygen because I can't even take the bloody gasping breaths needed.

No wonder sex is a reasonably common cause of death for old people.

Seriously though, anonymity makes loud monkey sex so much easier. I mean, it's not like I've never been heard mid-noisy-orgasm by an acquaintance, but there is that one group of acquaintances, I find, whom you really, really don't want to be heard by. To the point of resorting to starving your poor innocent body of oxygen. Bravo, society, your conditioning has truly enriched my life!

Feminism, Lolita, and Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T22:31:00.002+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: two, self-inflicted. I guess you can sort of tell that I'm sick of my hands, considering my average wank per day count has dropped considerably.

I was going to write a great big rant about men's unfair advantage in the workplace vs the female prerogative, but I don't think I have the drive right now, nor the adequately collected thoughts. That being said though, at the risk of betraying the sisterhood here, I spent a lot of today feeling like a vast proportion of my fellow women is full of shit. Then again, that's a fairly normal state of affairs for me.

More frivolously, I got mistaken for a teenager again today. It's always an ego-boost when that happens. Though frankly, I don't think people look that closely at your face or anything when they guess. Rather, they tend to look at your clothes and your surroundings. A girl in pigtails and tie dye at the candy shop is going to appear younger than a girl with slicked-back hair in a suit at the reception desk of some company. Two totally different personas, even if they are both the same person.

In any case, it is now time for be to take dirty pictures for my beloved. While I find myself profoundly indifferent for the commercialised monster that is Valentine's day, it's as good a time as any to do something nice for your beloved. Especially when you can give all those commercial cunts the finger by doing something that's completely free.

Endorphin low

2008-02-14T00:03:00.001+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: zero. ::sigh::

I have found my black hotpants, which had gone missing. Very glad about that. Shows what tidying up can do for you.

A shamedfaced admission.

2008-02-12T23:25:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: two, self-inflicted.

Usually, I don't like to write entries that point to my home country, but I have to admit something here: The Biggest Loser has become something of a guilty pleasure for me. No, it has nothing to do with the hideously commercialised ways of bullying fat people into facing their demons in public and humiliating ways. It has everything to do with the sexy bitch that is Shannan Ponton, one of the trainers. Even though, if given the opportunity, I probably wouldn't screw him silly, I still purr and tingle every time I see him. He's my porn, at the moment, except that there's nothing overtly sexual about him on TBL. Not only do I drool over his obviously gorgeous physique -- he has the muscle balance just right -- but I also love his demeanor and range of facial expressions. Of course, he has that firecracker energy of a physically fit person -- always a very attractive thing to me -- but I also giggle girlishly whenever he gets tough and forces his fat trainees through vigorous work-outs. And, this is probably a very girlish thing for me to say... he has a beautiful smile.

But what really got me all atwitter today was that he took his shirt off on today's show. Oh, someone revive me! I do lament it when he wears something that covers his shoulders, and rejoice when he's in a singlet, but when he takes the thing clear off, I'm in Heaven. Oh, baby. Of course, there was plenty of lovely footage of his muscles rippling over that magnificent torso of his, but his nipples were also pronounced as all hell! They were sticking out like bullets, to steal The Girls's pet phrase, almost as if they were taunting me. When nipples like that are in my presence, they're just begging to be licked, fondled, pinched, and stroked. Oh, Shannan. It has made me a very happy woman tonight.

Shannan, if you ever happen to read this, I am sorry. I do not mean to objectify or embarrass you, and I love you for more than just your body. Own the fact that many a woman you will never meet has probably masturbated whilst thinking of your delightful nipples.

And now, I shall go assure my beloved that I still think he is the sexiest thing alive. :-) Sorry, Shannan, you've been usurped!

Puttanesca

2008-02-11T23:09:00.000+11:00

I had pasta alla puttanesca tonight. It was extremely tasty. But I found myself thinking of the little comment written with the recipe: the name of the pasta was inspired by women with "loose morals".

Is there even any point in me bitching about how "female morals" were equated with chastity, as if sex were immoral? ARGH!

That is all I have to say, really. Good night.

Talk to me

2008-02-11T15:23:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: two, self-inflicted.

Suddenly, people are paying attention to me again. Last night, I found myself in profound conversation and vague flirtation with Oliver, the fellow I met up with, canoodled in the car with, and then got ignored by. Apparently there had been some social engagements keeping him from talking to me. Riight. Well, if I get to shag him, then that's nice, but I'm not going to waste my time angsting over him.

I also found myself talking to my other hot prospect today, after a week-long silence. And after some idle banter, and me explaining that yes, my beloved does know about my antics, he revealed that not only does he have a girlfriend, she also has no idea about him talking to me, and probably wouldn't be impressed. Well, good to know. I explained that in that case, I won't be able to misbehave with him, as it's one of my personal rules not to shag a taken man without his woman's knowledge and permisssion. The only exception to that rule is if the couple have an agreement to continue seeing others, but not telling each other about it. It does exist, though it's not for me, personally. He agreed, and it turned out that he had never "cheated", as it were. Apparently he converses with attractive women for the sake of fantasy fodder. Huh.

In any case, I ended up explaining to him the can of worms that polyamory can be. His reaction was fairly generic: he didn't believe that he'd be able to live that way, because jealousy is just too much of an issue. I suppose society's conditioning is alive and well.

Dilemma

2008-02-10T12:06:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: one. ::sigh:: And yes, self-inflicted

I'm getting sick of my hands. Actually, I'm getting sick of anything that tries to simulate the real thing. I want a cock, damn it! But at the same time, I really don't feel like dealing with the bullshit that tends to go hand in hand with picking up.

I'll be so fucking glad when my beloved returns.

Checking in

2008-02-09T21:17:00.000+11:00

Orgasm count for the last two days: seven, all self-inflicted.

I haven't really felt like blogging these last few days. Perhaps my libido is calming down a little at the moment, but mostly, I don't feel like playing the manipulative games so commonly needed to get laid, evidently even for a woman. It does kind of baffle me though when someone chooses not to do me, when given the opportunity. I guess it shows that no matter how hot you are, there certainly are other aspects to take into consideration when it comes to such things.

I suppose I'm also getting increasingly fixated on my beloved again, as we will be together again soon.

Also, on a bit of a tangent, my amorous Indian friend has hinted that he will be sending me two gifts soon. I am both curious and mildly disturbed. I suspect he might be trying to weasel his way around the fact that I have no sexual interest in him.

Apathy and dirty pictures

2008-02-07T22:20:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: two, self-inflicted. I suppose the fact that I was feeling a bit crabby yesterday didn't really help matters.

As for today: well, I have finally heard from my fellow from the other day. He tried to start a conversation over MSN while I was away, and by the time I noticed it, had logged off. Oh well. Suppose we'll get to talk again sometime. But after the long wait, my attention for him has kind of run out, so I'm less fussed about it now. Though it does show that I have a short attention span, as it's only been two days.

Well, for now, there is time to be wasted online, and elsewhere. Speaking of which, I have received my first random mail from a stranger with slightly kinky photos. Mildly perplexing, but I can't help but think of it as positive, somehow.

Double standard

2008-02-06T23:15:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: three, self-inflicted, the last one epic and intense. I'm not counting the two tiny peaks I had getting fondled in the car.

Speaking of which, I suspect I have chased off my hot prospect. Unintentionally, of course. At least, he has been silent for an uncharacteristically long time, so I choose to jump to this conclusion. And that irritates me, because I get the feeling that it has something to do with my quick willingness when I'm actually attracted to someone.

It has me wondering whether a perpetually horny woman is the female version of the "nice guy", in the sense that she gets ignored because she will probably hang around for the possibility of sex, so meanwhile, a man can focus on chasing the "hard to get" girl, and then get the perpetually horny girl while he's having a drought. I suppose at the end of the day, the "nice guy" and the "horny girl" are the straight-forward, upfront ones, while the "hard to get girl" and the "bad boy" are the ones who play the stupid games.

Frankly, what pisses me off is the prospect of having to possibly emulate that kind of crap if I want to get laid more reliably. But at least it does explain why I attract nice guys, and why I tend to prefer them, maybe.

Well, I probably am jumping the gun here, and I suspect I might be made slightly bitter by having Bridget Jones's Diary playing in the background.

Semi-success

2008-02-05T23:49:00.000+11:00

I met up with my hot prospect tonight. Neither of us had ever been in the pub where we chose to meet, and immediately upon finding each other, decided not to stay there. Instead, we ended up walking through the nearby parklands for no less than three hours, just walking and talking. It was very pleasant. He then drove me back to my place, and once he had coasted to a stop, I requested to kiss him. So kiss we did, for the better part of half an hour, and I became increasingly aware of my arousal, which was practically turning into an ache. We ended up fondling each other too before the mood was killed by my housemate turning on the outside light. So we said our goodbyes, and he took his leave.

Fuck, I'm horny now.

My favourite penises

2008-02-05T14:42:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: three, self-inflicted.

I've been meaning to try out a little dress-up combination of mine for a while now: I own various interesting black rubber and or vinyl garments, you see, and one of my more recent acquisitions, a black lace-up vinyl bra, goes with a lot of things. Today, my pair of vinyl hotpants came to mind, so I decided to go in search of them. Alas, no dice! They seem to have mysteriously disappeared. It's really quite annoying how some of my toys do that, and take months to resurface again. It did happen to my black vinyl halterneck corset, which has thankfully resurfaced. My copy of The Mistress Manual, however, seems to have disappeared as well. How vexing!

Well, one thing has chosen to resurface today though: my medium-sized black vibrator/dildo! I am so very pleased, it had been missing for months! I had already given up on finding it. How it got to the back of my shelf, I don't know, because the last time I remember seeing it, it was standing proud beside my bed. Maybe I grabbed it and hastily threw it to the back of the shelf when someone who didn't need to see it came into my room.... I suppose that's possible. But it does make me realise that I now own several phallic toys. Apart from my red giant and my black all-rounder, there's also my tiny blue travel-sized dolphin, and my Mould Your Man kit, which I will need to make use of sometime soon. There is a beautiful cock just begging to be immortalised.

Well, I do hope my hotpants and my book turn up.

Eat me

2008-02-04T23:14:00.001+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: three, self-inflicted.

I notice that I'm lubricating very easily these days, which is nice. I do wonder what the cause of it is though. Perhaps it's increasing fitness... I went for a run in the park today. What saddens me is that I got an endorphin high out of a relatively short run. I'm obviously out of shape.

As a bit of a non-sequiter, I've really been missing receiving oral sex lately. I mean, generally I'm not that big on it... don't get me wrong, I like it well enough, but a lot of girls seem to prefer oral to intercourse, which I certainly don't. I guess I haven't really encountered any pussy worshippers lately... a lot of men just seem to get down there out of politeness, or because they want a headjob in return. How disappointing. Every now and again, it is nice to have a man enthusiastically dive between your legs and hungrily eat you out, humming in delight and telling you how delicious you taste.

I think I need a pussy-eating slave. ;-)

Frustration

2008-02-03T23:50:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: four, self-inflicted.

Nothing of great interest to report. I've been flirting online with my hot prospect, Oliver. I confess to having gotten a bit hot and bothered about it.

I've also been receiving some mildly flirtacious attention from Gabe again. I wonder.

Fuck, I'm tired.

Thrill of the hunt

2008-02-02T17:23:00.000+11:00

I have a date of sorts with one of my two hot prospects (the cheeky smiling one). Nothing big, just catching up over a drink after work, but I'm still quite pleased about it. He actually seems very nice, that is, somewhat less depraved than me. But it's becoming increasingly more normal, I find, for men ten years my senior and more to be less experienced than me. That's a bit of a shame, really, because that would imply that I am unusual.

Me vengo, me vengo!

2008-02-02T11:08:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: seven, all self-inflicted. Horny day.

I actually reckon I am getting closer to my goal of ejaculation, which is pleasing. And this morning I came to the conclusion that there is no doubt about it, I do know where my G-spot is. I felt it expand this morning and increase in sensitivity as I approached orgasm, and post-orgasm, felt it sort of recede again. I actually think mine is a little deeper inside me than most, if the various instructions on how to find your G-spot are to be believed.

Maybe I should have breakfast and have a shower, instead of sitting in front of my computer in the nude.

Past throbs: a flashback

2008-02-01T23:15:00.000+11:00

He turned off the last of the lights, and slipped his arms around me. We kissed for a while, me standing bare-foorted on the carpet in my expensive dress. He was already naked, having peeled out of his uncharacteristic tux only moments after we had entered the room. He was certainly more familiar to me this way, nude and aroused, rather than bundled into some expensive tailored suit because people expected him to.

His hands went over my body in the dark, trying to find the zipper of my dress. I unzipped it for him, and as I slipped the straps off my shoulders, it fell away from me in a perfect imitation of any cliche movie scene. He sighed with pleasure in the darkness at the rustling sound that my dress had given. "I didn't see that, but I could imagine it," he said, and pulled me close again. We continued to kiss, and I lost my G-string somewhere along the way.

We made that slow, stumbling dance of two people not wanting to stop kissing towards the bed. Once we had reached it, he lowered me onto it, and kissed his way down my torso. He gave a growl of approval as his mouth drew level with pussy, and began to lick me with gusto. He was a real pussy worshipper, that one, and he didn't give a damn about the fact that my being fluid-bonded to my partner meant that I wasn't going to return the favour. He would head down there whenever he could, and gleefully eat me out. This time, he seemed to be teasing me deliberately, bringing me close to orgasm several times, only to ease up. After the third or fourth time, he resurfaced, and drew back up so our faces were level again.

"Yummy," he remarked, and I could hear the smile in his voice. I kissed him, tasting my own juices on his tongue, and reached for his cock. He was still mostly soft, and I cautiously squeezed him. He had told me on a previous occasion not to be shy about touching him firmly. He growled approvingly as I tried it. His cock twitched in my hand. I got a little more confident, and continued to squeeze him, feeling his cock harden in my hand. "Yes, squeeze it nice and hard," he whispered encouragingly. I complied, and he reached full hardness in my hands, gasping quietly.

Suddenly, he replaced my hand with his in a very business-like way. "I'm putting that inside you," he informed me, and quickly donned a condom before slinging my legs over his shoulders and entering me. I looked up at him as he started to thrust, my eyes now having adjusted to the darkness. He continued to growl and exclaim approvingly as we moved together, though I soon drowned him out, crying out with each thrust. As I felt him building up towards climax, I started rubbing my clit, feeling my pussy tighten around him as I did so. He came to a shuddering climax, with me moments behind him. He collapsed next to me, still twitching and shuddering. We both laughed breathlessly as we curled up together.

"You know we have to be up in four hours?" he asked after looking at his watch.

I laughed. "Shit."

We went to sleep shortly afterwards.

January's orgasm tally

2008-02-01T13:28:00.000+11:00

Total orgasms for January: 127.

Self-inflicted: 100.
Assisted: 27.

I suppose I should work out percentages for the hell of it, but not right now. What I'm impressed about though is that I have wanked to exactly 100 orgasms in that month. Talk about a fluke!

Past throbs

2008-02-01T11:46:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: three, two of them self-inflicted.

After an already relatively busy day yesterday, I made my way to the beach, where Luke and I had agreed to meet up. I was twenty minutes early, so I sat down on a bench, enjoyed the sunshine, and watched a few children playing by the fountain in the square. I eventually caught sight of Luke sitting some distance away from me, keeping an eye out for me. Because he kept scanning around, I was able to sneak up from him from the front, and he only saw me when I was maybe four paces away from him. I had to grin at his exaggerated double-take. When he snapped off his sunglasses and grinned at me, I found myself thinking, "Damn, he's still one hell of an attractive man". We greeted with an enthusiastic hug and a peck on the cheek, and then headed for the actual beach.

Whenever I actually catch up with Luke, I am reminded of how much I had missed him. Last time we caught up would have been in September last year or so... our lives are just so very seperate, and it takes a bit of effort to make sure we actually see each other. Even when we were "lovers", we only saw each other maybe once a month. I consider Luke to be proof that meeting people over the internet has its merits. We never, ever would have met without it, as we are from completely different social groups. Apart from being fifteen years my senior, Luke never went to university, goes to completely different events, and we seem to have no mutual acquaintances whatsoever, which is a relatively unusual thing around here. But despite appearing so different, we get on like a house on fire, and I am really really glad to have him in my life, even if it is sort of sporadic.

We took our shoes off and walked along the beach, talking about everything that had happened since the last time we saw each other. He's heading off on a big Europe trip in a few weeks, so he told me in great detail where he was going to go. At one point, when we saw a huge flock of seagulls hanging around on the beach, we ran at them and chased them up, barking like dogs.

We eventually sought out dinner, and ended up eating at the same place where we had eaten on our first outing, two and a half years ago. We watched a flock of preening teenage boys nearby, comically shaking our heads at today's youth. It's particularly amusing, considering that it's not been that long since I was a teenybopper myself. Luke has told me on more than one occasion that I am a rarity, in being so young, and still being someone he enjoys spending time with. He reiterated it then, saying that apart from me, there is only one other person below the age of 25 whose company he enjoys. We shared some fish and prawns and chips for dinner, and I found myself increasingly needing my willpower to keep my hands off him. While I do not conciously smell his pheromones, something about him attracts me like crazy. I suppose it's partly that our dynamic has not changed, except that we no longer stop for the occasional kiss, and things like that. Though at one point, with his explicit permission, I found myself playing with his short whiskery beard. When we first met, he was clean-shaven, but since then, he has cultivated that little beard of his, and I actually really like it. But then, I have a thing for stubble. For some reason, I think it's sexy as hell.

After dinner, we moved on for some coffee and gelati, taking in the pretty sunset as we went. Over our gelati, he showed me some photos of his girlfriend on his phone... she's a real cutie! I was actually surprised, because something about her reminded me of myself, though I'm not quite sure what. I guess Luke does have a type he prefers. I suppose I hadn't expected her to be so youthful, though come to think about it, that seems silly now. Luke is a very youthful man himself, very few people peg him to be in his late thirties. In fact, I can completely understand why some people would guess him to be in his late twenties, early thirties. He is in very good shape, and I have certainly met plenty of men his age who seem a lot older than him.

After our gelati, we went for another walk, happily chatting away. Our conversations had been slowly moving more and more towards sex. It did actually get to the point where we both admitted that it was taking some effort to behave ourselves. For a moment, we both put our hands in our pockets and whistled innocently before laughing and continuing to walk and talk. I was amazed, actually, at how happy and at ease I felt. I hadn't really felt this happy since I last was with my beloved.

Eventually, we had to head back, and he gave me a lift home. We're hoping to catch up before he leaves on his trip, and, if it's doable, have me meet his girlfriend. She does sound very nice, I now find myself not in the least bit put out that I had to give up the sexual aspect of my relationship with Luke for her. I think it is an impressive thing when a man who has experienced the kind of variety that Luke has will happily settle for a basically monogamous relationship. And I must admit I am really curious about seeing this girl in person.

We parted with another hug and a peck on the cheek, and I wanked myself into oblivion before going to sleep. I suppose it didn't help that we had briefly reminisced about the last time we had shagged. Well, that had been a very fun night, and a great way to go out with a bang, so to speak.

I am also very pleased because he has promised to burn me a copy of Shortbus, which I have been meaning to see ever since I read about it in The Girl's blog.

It's really such a pity that Luke leaves before my beloved arrives here. I'd really be interested to see what the four-way dynamic is like...

The results of a reunion

2008-01-31T23:22:00.000+11:00

The trouble about meeting erstwhile lovers under strictly platonic conditions is that the forbidden fruit is likely to arouse you like crazy. I shall go to bed now, and wank myself silly. My account of tonight can wait until tomorrow.

Fuck, I'm horny.

Impromptu sex therapy

2008-01-31T11:03:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: three, one of them self-inflicted.

Last night, Paul came around for a dinner date of sorts we had set up. He had meant to take me out for dinner, but what with the amorous Indian having taken me out for dinner a bunch of times in the last week, I was sort of sick of it. Thus, I decided to cook, and let Paul provide the groceries, and then stay well out of my way while I was chopping things with my trusty cleaver. I suppose it takes a lot of trust for a man to come particularly close to a cleaver-wielding woman.

Dinner was a relative success, and after the clean-up, we ended up on the bed together, first in platonic conversation, and slowly creeping closer to each other until we were kissing and fondling. I had to admit to myself though, I was feeling receptive, rather than aroused. I suspect the lust may be nearing the end of its shelf life.

Once we were naked, I set about doing something I had meant to do for a while: give him a lubed-up handjob. He seems to think me to be particularly good with my hands as it is. This surprises me somewhat -- don't get me wrong, I reckon I know what I'm doing, but I wouldn't have labelled myself the Queen of handjobs or anything. Although I suppose there was that time I kept my beloved coming for twenty minutes straight.

Anyway, back to Paul. I guess part of my motivation is that he's always been so damn lucid in the sack. It's like he remains generally unaffected by the fact that he's got his cock inside the tight pussy of a pretty damn hot girl, if I do say so myself. He always treats my pleasure as the only thing that counts, and that gets on my nerves a little sometimes. I just wanted to make him moan and lose his ability to be coherent for a bit. I guess I am quite egalitarian when it comes to pleasure, and apart from not wanting anyone to miss out, it irritates me when people treat their own pleasure as unimportant, because it smacks of a low self-esteem.

Well, at least I more or less succeeded in my mission to get him to lose that damn self-control and lucidity. I'm sorry, but I just don't think bed is the place for these things, unless you happen to be in a kinky dominance game. He had his fingers inside me for a while too before donning a condom and fucking me.

Not for very long, mind you. He ended up going soft on me. I attempted to coax him into rising to the occasion again, but it wasn't going to happen just then. So, being the nice girl I am, I shrugged and curled up into his armpit, trying to get to the root of the problem. I honestly think he just thinks too much and puts too much pressure on himself during sex, often to the point of his cock just leaving him in the lurch. I actually seem to get that with quite a few people, and it makes me wonder sometimes. It really does seem to be nerves when a guy goes soft on me, so I can't help but wonder what it is about me that seems to make men so nervous. I notice that it usually happens with people who know me reasonably well, rather than those who get to fuck me within an hour of meeting me. I suppose it's the difference between someone seeing me as the fantasy fuck girl, and seeing me as a real person whom they like on a platonic level as well.

After about an hour of just talking, I started playing with his flaccid cock, just wiggling it from side to side, being silly. It actually got some response out of him, so I straddled his legs and took his cock into both my hands, just stroking him. I had already told him not to be so goal-oriented (whether his goal happened to be his orgasm or mine), in hopes of getting him to relax. I got him hard for a while, especially when I put a flavoured condom on him and went down on him for a bit, but he ended up losing his erection again. Damn. I'm really not used to my ministrations failing so utterly.

I ended up resorting to a method which, so far, has always proven itself to be successful: masturbation. I have yet to meet a guy who doesn't get hard from watching me wank. Add to that full permission for him to join in whenever he feels like it, and voila! Sex. He was hard and fucking me within moments. He went relatively slowly, with my legs slung over his shoulders, going in short, deep thrusts. It felt like he suddenly really had the hang of me, and our build-up was in sync until we came together. It was a good, long, shuddering orgasm, which I actually rank as better than the screaming ones he has brought me to in the past.

I got up and pottered around a bit while he went to sleep. I ended up checking my mail and having a quick chat with Gabe for the first time in a while before returning to bed. That short conversation was enough though for me to think horny thoughts about Gabe as I went to sleep next to Paul. I guess it shows that I am easily distracted. The thing is, I'm not even sure Gabe and I are even still shagging... it's kind of hard to tell when you live a few hundred miles apart and haven't clarified anything. Oh well, I suppose I'll find out when we next see each other.

Paul woke me up early in the morning, with a morning glory that had to be seen to be believed. He ended up fucking me from behind, with satisfying results. He had to leave for work very shortly afterwards, which gave me the chance to go about my own business. I actually got a call from a past lover, Luke, in the middle of breakfast. We're meeting up for dinner tonight, which should be nice. We haven't slept together in over eighteen months, but we still catch up every now and again, which I am glad about, as I still really enjoy his company. I was actually sad to lose him as a lover, but he had found the apparent love of his life, and gone monogamous. I can respect that. Of course, that doesn't mean that I won't probably get aroused from being around him again, as smelling his scent will probably bring the memories flooding back.

That's pretty much all. I seem to have two hot prospects at the moment, which pleases me. I'm not sure about them yet, though I am amused at the fact that one of them looks uncannily like Johnny Depp, and the other one has a very cheekily sexy grin. Yum! And they even seem to both be intelligent! Will wonders never cease!

Wank

2008-01-30T17:29:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: five, self-inflicted, and intense.

And I'll write more when I feel like it.

My hormones' bitch.

2008-01-29T13:29:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: three, self-inflicted.

Keeping this blog so regularly really gives me a clearer insight into how much my sex drive is determined by my cycle. I have definitely gone into horny hormonal mode now, and it appears that I have already ovulated for this month, which is surprisingly early. I wonder if my cycle is still influenced by my flatmate, who is currently on the pill. That might explain it.

What this current stage in my cycle means is that I am now perpetually tingling with horniness, and once again keeping an eye out for the next viable candidate to satisfy my needs. I woke up dripping wet this morning, and spent some quality time wanking myself into oblivion, going through imagining four or five different men fucking me. That's the thing, it can be hard to keep my attention on only one man in my imagination. That's the reason why I generally don't shout out my lover's name during sex, as that would just be a recipe for disaster. Often, when in the arms of a vaguely casual shagrat, I think my way through three or four names before I get to the name of the person I'm actually with. It's not that I can't tell my lovers apart, far from it. It's rather that I reach similar states of arousal, in which I have thought many a name, so when I'm in such a state again, my well-meaning brain unhelpfully provides me with a whole database of names that have been in conjunction with my arousal.

I suppose it's also a product of my mind being so prone to wandering. I can be pondering something completely mundane mid-coitus, such as the fact that I need to water the potplants once I'm done shagging, and still easily come moments later. I hear that it's a perfectly common syndrome for women to get distracted and start mentally multitasking during sex, but supposedly that also stops them from reaching orgasm. Not so with me. Granted, an orgasm while multitasking probably won't be as intense, but I'll still come. But it does make me grateful that my beloved can hold my attention more completely, not only for the sake of the orgasms, but because I always get his name right when I scream it to the heavens.

Oh God, I'm horny. It honestly makes me hope that I meet someone today whom I will hit it off with and swiftly end up in the sack with.

For the hell of it...

2008-01-28T22:14:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: two, self-inflicted.

I have decided to be a copycat, and follow my beloved's lead in putting an orgasm count at the side of my blog. This meant that I had to go back and count how many I have had so far. I can't help but be almost a little embarrassed: not counting the three I have had so far today, my count for this year is 113. That's a lot of endorphins. Twenty-six of them were assisted. This clearly means I need to have more sex. Though I suppose that so far, I'm averageing on once a week.

Eh. Suppose it's a bit silly to try and quantify my sex life. But it makes me anticipate my beloved's return all the more, so that I can even out the proportions a bit...

In the interest of brevity...

2008-01-27T23:28:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: nine, three self-inflicted.

And today, I was too damn productive to have my hands down my pants too frequently.

Afternoon Delight, and other samples.

2008-01-27T02:05:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: one. Very poor, even if it was a good extended one.

I have quite a few things to ramble on about today, so I shall break it into three parts: My Wank, My Shag, and My Perve.

My Wank

Yup, I definitely had the horn again. After breakfast this morning, I found myself flinging off my clothes and throwing myself onto my bed, where I spent some quality time with some lubricant and my clitoris. I eventually got out my lovely vibrator, and had a play with him, sometimes having him humming away inside me as I continued to stroke my clit, sometimes thrusting him in and out of me, sometimes just holding him over my clit. It was during the first of those options that I ended up coming hard. When I took the vibe out, I ended up fingering myself. For some reason, after playing with that vibrator, I always find myself sliding more fingers into myself... I only got to slide in three before I came hard for a second time, my pussy clenching hard along the whole length of my three fingers, and actually pulling them in a little further. Interesting. I have noticed on occasion with the vibrator, if I happened to come while thrusting it inside me, that my muscles would clench so hard that I couldn't actually pull it out, and it actually got pulled in a little further. Interesting. Certainly a neat trick to have.

In any case, I wanked myself to a third, smaller, climax before getting up to wash my juices off my hands and go about my day.

My Shag

Paul came over in the afternoon, and while things started out platonic, I guess you just can't count on my self-control when there's no really good reason not to have sex when given the opportunity. Paul was mildly surprised, as I had technically "dumped" him a few weeks back, but he didn't need a lot of convincing. It did take a bit of creeping closer to each other, and there was a moment of hesitation before we started kissing, but shortly afterwards, I was down to my underpants, him fucking me with his fingers, my hands around his cock. I am kind of aware that our compatibility isn't actually that great, but it's still enough when I happen to be horny. He fucked me with my legs slung over his shoulders, and I had a few minor orgasms before he took me from behind, and set me off hard when he came. It is really quite interesting how I will invariably come hard when a cock is in its orgasmic spasms inside me. I suppose it is a handy bit of conditioning to have, though it does arguably make the simultaneous climax a little less special. I guess that's why I tend to reserve things like prolonged eye contact and so on for my more intimate romps. With most of my casuals, I tend to go off into my own little world when I orgasm, rather than sharing that little world with my partner, as I do with my beloved.

After the initial high of my shag wore off, I did find myself missing my beloved. I just have to keep reminding myself that we will see each other again soon.

My Perve

Randomly, I saw a customer at work tonight who inspired some interesting feelings in me. It was the smile. Fuck, that man had a sexy smile. I love it when a man grins widely and unabashedly, plainly completely at ease. He had gorgeous laughter lines around his eyes, and even though I would guess him to have been in his late thirties, there was something wickedly boyish about him. I found myself standing there, idly wondering what he'd look like naked, what his cock would feel like in my hand, and what look would replace that sexy smile on his face if I had the chance to torment him...

Well, as it was, I had work to do, but it was still a fun thought for a few moments. Besides, I was already feeling those phantom caresses and fondles from my beloved, which were distracting me. It really is quite interesting how I can almost feel him, even though we are still so far apart.

TP.

2008-01-25T12:38:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: three, self-inflicted.

I woke up this morning, and once again found myself fantasising about being triple-penetrated. It's all the easier to imagine, as I do have three men in mind, and the likelihood is just high enough for me to find it ever so enticing. It makes me want to try and get the three of them in the same place, and see if I can deviously manipulate the situation.

Needless to say, I happily wanked myself into oblivion, thinking about it. In fact, I managed another 30-second climax. It feels like I have once a gain broken through that barrier that had prevented me from coming for more than maybe ten seconds. Quite a relief, really.

Orgasms, love, and manly domesticity.

2008-01-24T22:51:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: three, self-inflicted.

It does seem like my libido is back, which is nice to see. Apart from the orgasms mentioned above, I've been cheerfully fiddling away today, at one point getting myself to a very nice climax which must have lasted at least thirty seconds. Now, eighteen months ago, this would have actually been a bit disappointing, as I was routinely popping off one- and two-minute orgasms, but I find myself somewhat out of shape these days. And I think that I find it easier to orgasm with my beloved around, even if it's been a day or two since we last saw each other, because the memory of him and his pheromones is still fresh then. But upon parting, my "performance" has deteriorated, and I found myself just manageing the normal four- to eight-second orgasms, which was a bit frustrating. Which is why I am very pleased to see some recovery in that area. I do wonder whether it has something to do with my beloved returning in less than a month though, because we have both noticed that our "phantoms" (a sort of imaginary presence of each other we perceive when apart) are a lot more pronounced at the moment, and have been growing moreso with our impending reunion.

We spoke again on the phone today, which is always nice. I do like to reconnect with him, especially now, as we have crossed that threshold where we get really impatient to see each other again. I'm also looking at photos of him more frequently now, with the obligatory soppy expression on my face.

On a tangent, I have come to the conclusion that I am not a Man. At least, not the kind of Man that Mr Birmingham and Mr Flinthart would have me be in How to be a Man. I was having a flick through it again today, as it's a hilarious read, besides being so very informative. And while relationship-wise, I seemed to be a pretty adequate Man, I obviously wasn't in terms of keeping the kitchen clean. So with Messrs Birmingham and Flintart as my guides, I attacked the kitchen, armed with a scrapey sponge and some Jif detergent. I doubt it has received such a thorough clean since we even first moved in, to be quite frank. I am still unearthing interesting artefacts. But as long as I find no sentient life forms in the crack between the bench and the oven, it's all positive.

Perhaps, once I have finished cleaning the kitchen, I will be a Man. Except, you know, with breasts, a vagina, and a uterus. And without a penis and prostate and testicles and stuff.

Actually, I suspect it's my bedtime. I'm getting a bit silly. I must be tired.

2008-01-24T11:47:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: three, self-inflicted.

I do wonder why on Earth one is so damn erogenous on one's period. Last night, it only took five seconds of my fingers inside me for me to come. I mean, does it serve any evolutionary purpose, or is it just a pesky glitch?

In other news, I have told the amorous Indian that I have no sexual interest in him, so now I seem to have a platonic friendship. Excellent. We'll still be spending some time together while he's in town.

And I really have nothing more interesting to report. Sorry.

So much for the premenstrual horn.

2008-01-23T10:37:00.000+11:00

Orgasm count: four. Self-inflicted, one yesterday, three the day before.

Now for more important things:

Dear uterus,

Why do you hate me so? Why do you cause me such pain? Why did you start giving me cramps after five blissful cramp-free years of menstruation? Are you laughing at me? Have I ever done you wrong? I'd really like to know, because I want our relationship to be loving and productive. Have you truly not forgiven me for cramming you with hormones? I said I'm sorry!

Love,

Queenie

Yes, I started my period yesterday, and found myself cramping unusually painfully. Enough to make me wince and groan and whimper. I would really love to have those days back when I had no concept of these mysterious menstrual cramps. But sometimes I suspect that my body is just a late bloomer, and I have somehow reached a new level of physical maturity. Let me tell you this: it sucks. God dammit, I want my fucking teenage body back! ::sniffles::

Alright, enough whingeing. I spent some of last night having dinner with, and resisting the sexual advances of an amorous Indian. He's a very nice fellow, excellent company, but I'm just not terribly interested in him, sexually. I can completely understand how this man can generally charm himself into many a pair of knickers, but I suspect that I'm just too much of a vain cow to ignore the fact that he's half a head shorter than me, and next to my Amazonian physique, he looks like he's made of toothpicks. I also find that men who are extremely different from my beloved tend to turn me off a little. I suppose that is somewhat disturbing, but nonetheless true. Some months ago, I dallied with a gentleman who was of average and rather hairy physique and had a shaven head. I found myself a bit irked by this, and passionately wanting my beloved's smooth wiry body and wild bush of hair back. This was obviously not this fellow's fault, and for what it's worth, he was very accomplished in the sack, but it was still enough for me not to seek him out again.

I want my beloved back. ::pout:: I miss him. I suppose I'm also being a bit hormonally whingey right now.

Near the end of the lull

2008-01-21T19:19:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: one. Sigh. But it was a bit of a busy day, I actually didn't have that much time or energy for wanking.

Actually, it still feels a bit like life and its problems are getting in the way of my poor unfortunate libido. Mind you, that being said though, I woke up this morning with my skin feeling exquisitely erogenous. I love it when just running my palm over my skin makes me purr. Looks like the body is becoming more willing again... in a few days' time, I'll probably be rambling about how fucking horny I am, and how I need to find me some tasty man-totty. Quite funny, really, how much your hormonal cycle controls you.

I did have a lovely conversation on the phone with my beloved, both last night and this morning. Apparently he has been having some moments of realisation in terms of the power play in our relationship over these last few years, and come to the conclusion that he liked it. I almost blushed. In any case, I won't go into detail about this, as I believe that is an entry for him to write.

I, for one, shall turn my attention to domestic pursuits for now. There are some blueberry muffins begging to be made.

Excuses, excuses.

2008-01-20T21:34:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: two, self-inflicted. I seem to be in a two orgasms a day rut, I've noticed. Might just be the time in my cycle though... I suspect that once I go pre-menstrual, I'll be a horny monster again.

Today hasn't been a terribly interesting day on a sexual level. Mostly, I just focussed on life and career-oriented things, so sex and masturbation had to take a backseat. I know, crazy! I did have another chat with the fellow from yesterday, and it turned out that during yesterday's strange phone conversation, he had mistaken me for someone else whom he really didn't want to speak to, and had thus lied about his whereabouts and hung up on me. It all becomes clear. And he asked whether I was going to come over before he left town. I considered: I was absolutely knackered from my day so far, but then again, the prospect of sex was kind of alluring. But, after some more flirting out, it turned out he had some friends coming to visit him, so it wasn't practical, unless I was up for a foursome. And while I am not against the concept itself -- far from it, in fact -- the point remained that I didn't know those two other guys, and I also have an agreement with my beloved that I wouldn't take such an opportunity until we had experienced it together.

In the end, I decided to make my way to town in case he managed to shoo out his friends in time -- I had a few other things to do. I ended up loafing around the Erotica section at Borders, reading large chunks of The Illustrated Guide to Extended Massive Orgasm, and deciding I quite liked it. I then bought myself a DVD and wandered out to enjoy the sunshine. The fellow didn't call, which I was not terribly surprised about, so I finished my walk, and made my way home. Even though the misunderstanding was alleviated, I am still wondering whether I should bother with this boy. He could have at least had the etiquette to call me and let me know it wasn't happening. But some people seem to have a limited understanding of the fact that you should treat your casual dalliances with respect, too. Granted, he did say that it wasn't a sure thing, and didn't want to feel bad about me making my way to town for nothing, but still. I'm just not sure I can be bothered with him. No hard feelings, or anything, but I do think I can find others more willing to walk the walk.

Supposedly I'll be hearing from the fellow from last week tomorrow. I won't hold my breath, but he did seem pretty keen. As for me, I'm bloody knackered now, so I think I might head off to bed.

How to receive your first blowjob from Queenie

2008-01-19T23:07:00.000+11:00

"I should go," he said reluctantly. I smiled inwardly. We always seemed to end up playing this game when our paths home diverged, and our goodbye-kiss would invariably turn into a good-bye grope in the grass.

"I suppose you're right," I conceded, just as reluctantly. I nuzzled his throat, right where I knew he liked it. He made a little noise half-way between a whimper and a moan. I grinned and leaned in to kiss him, noting with a certain glee the look of surrender in his eyes. He wasn't going anywhere for at least another few minutes.

"You know there's bedrooms for this kind of thing," a voice interrupted from a few feet away.

We both looked up from our position in the grass. A man in his late thirties was smirking at us. He had wandered a little closer to us while his kids were speeding down the slippery dip.

"Aw, but that's no fun," I joked.

He laughed a little. "You're right, bedrooms aren't any fun. Well, it looks good from over here."

"It looks even better from where I am," my lover snickered as our spectator wandered back to his progeny.

I cuddled up close to him, and inhaled his scent.

"I don't want to let go of you," I said a little petulantly. "I haven't seen you in weeks!"

That was true enough. He'd been on a three-week business trip, and I had missed him.

"Well, okay, I can stay for a few more minutes," he said, and hugged me back. "But I can't hang around too long, my girlfriend's probably starting dinner, and I should help her with it."

I smiled ruefully. He was right. Really, she had been awfully good about the way I had been keeping him away from home in the early evenings. It wasn't really fair for me to be hogging him like this.

Oh well. We continued to kiss, our hands going over each other's bodies. The various parents assembled their broods and headed homewards -- whether it was the display we were giving, or the fact that night was falling, was unclear. I straddled him, my hands sneaking under his shirt. I couldn't resist grinding my crotch against his a little, and he rewarded me with a moan.

"I should go," he said weakly.

"Mmh-hmm," I agreed, my hands dipping into his pants. My fingers closed around his already hard cock. "You're absolutely right. In fact, I probably really shouldn't be stroking your cock like that..." I gently rubbed my hand over his shaft. "And I really shouldn't be kissing your throat..." I nuzzled that happy spot again, making him moan. "And I definitely shouldn't be jerking you off." I quickly slithered down his torso so that his partially exposed cock was at my face level, and ran my tongue over the head of it. I came back up to face him, eyes twinkling evilly.

We moved to a slightly more sheltered spot, though we were still blatantly visible. My fingers went back around his cock. I was aching to wrap my lips around him.

"I should go, it's fucking late," he almost wailed.

I withdrew my hand and rocked back into a sitting position.

"I can stop, if you like," I offered. "We could go home right now."

Our eyes met.

"Aw, what the fuck, go for it," he said. I had to grin. I had known his willpower would give out.

I loosened the drawstring of his pants, and pulled them down a little, freeing his cock. It pulsed in expectation as I held it in my hand. Waste not, want not, I thought, and wet my lips. This was not the time to draw it out. I took the head of his cock in my mouth, and swirled my tongue around him. He groaned, and I took as much of him into my mouth as I could. With my hand around the base of his cock and my tongue flat along the bottom of his shaft, I bobbed my head up and down, swiveling as I went, my tongue swirling around the length of him. Within moments, he was gasping and moaning, and only briefly able to say, "Fuck, you're good at this," before giving another groan. I once again wished I could prolong it. But no. He had places to be, and I was a considerate lover, damn it.

Bearing that in mind, I started working to get him to orgasm straight away. I sucked and I bobbed and I swiveled, running my tongue all over his cock, with my hands around his base and stroking him behind his balls. He wasn't far off. I could feel his cock tensing and flexing in my mouth, ready to pump out the cum. I love that feeling. I kept sucking and bobbing and swiveling. "Oh God, yes, yes, yes!!!" I went harder, and felt him spurt his hot cum into my mouth. I kept sucking, and he pumped out another spurt. I swallowed the load, and gently licked his cock for any bits I might have missed. He started moaning and breathing heavily again as I licked him clean, but I knew he was spent. I might have been able to get him to spurt one more time, but I had missed my window, I had paused too long. Damn. Oh well. He still looked pretty orgasm-fried as I pulled his pants back up and curled up into the crook of his arm.

"You're on my Christmas wishlist now," he said with a slight giggle. I giggled too, and hugged him. He hugged me back. "You're wonderful," he said, and kissed me.

"You should probably get going," I said a little teasingly.

He looked up at the darkening sky, still in a bit of a daze. "Yeah."

We cuddled for a moment longer, and then hauled ourselves up out of the grass. We disentangled our bikes from each other, and pointed them into opposite directions. We hugged one last time.

"See ya," he said with that post-orgasmic smile on his face. Ah, how I do love a job well done. A last quick kiss, and we parted ways, briefly looking back to blow a kiss. I laboured my bike up the hill, and gleefully noted that none of the people I passed would know that I could still taste the tang of my lover's cum in my mouth. Although we had been passed by at least two other cyclists during the act...

An apathetic day

2008-01-19T21:46:00.000+11:00

Orgasm count since last entry: Seven. Five yesterday, two the day before, all self-inflicted.

Dear me, I actually forgot to write yesterday. I suppose things other than sex were occupying my mind, which is a relatively rare occurence, I suppose.

Come to think of it, I don't feel like I have a whole lot to rave on about today, either. How disappointing. I had a shag prospect for today who turned out to no longer be in town, and I'm beginning to think that I just shouldn't bother with him at all, even if he is hung like a moose. Not that I really care terribly about penis size, but it would be nice to find a big boy, as my beloved has a bit of a fantasy of watching me get fucked by someone huge.

Maybe I'll feel more inspired to write something that'd set the pope's boxer shorts on fire later on.

Girl talk, and the ensuing research.

2008-01-17T20:01:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: two, both self-inflicted. Somewhat disappointing.

Just before going to bed last night, I found myself having an interesting conversation with my housemate. In retrospect, it gave me quite a bit to think about, but most of all, it made me appreciate how freely women talk about sex these days:

Me: Hey Housemate, have you ever ejaculated?
Her: ...no. Have you?
Me: Twice.
Her: Wow.
Me: Yeah, I'm sort of trying to figure out how I can get it to happen... it seems to be a G-spot thing.
Her: How high a percentage of women can do it, anyway?
Me: Beats me... but I should think that any woman can learn it.
Her: Even if she has kind of a deformed G-spot like me?
Me: ...oh, you mean the way yours sort of hangs outside your vagina?
Her: Yeah, but it's not just that. It's really weird, it's like sheets of paper stacked up together, on their side...
Me: Oh, you mean like little ridges?
Her: Yeah. Ridges.
Me: I've got that, too. I reckon it's normal.
Her: Oh, okay then.
Me: Yeah, I don't think that's the G-spot. I mean, the ridgy bit is erogenous, yeah, but isn't the G-spot supposed to be more behind the vaginal wall, rather than on it?
Her: Yeah, isn't it supposed to be kind of connected to the female version of the prostate?
Me: Yeah. And something with the paraurethral glands, I think... I mean, that's what the female ejaculate comes out of.
Her: So maybe, in order for a woman to be able to squirt, she actually needs the G-spot to be connected to that gland.
Me: Well yeah, probably. (Why would only some women have that though?)
Her: I don't really seem to get G-spot orgasms, though. I mean, you read about all these deep orgasms that women get in the ESO book, but that's not what it's like for me. For me, an orgasm is just sort of an external fluttering around here. (gestures towards vagina)
Me: (takes a moment to digest this) Okay, so just around the clitoris then. No, I definitely get internal orgasms, and the feeling can fill me up, sometimes right up to my fingertips.
Her: (nodding) Oooh.
Me: I mean, it doesn't always spread that far, but it quite often goes this far. (gestures around solar plexus and knees)
Her: So what is this liquid actually like, in consistency, and how it looks?
Me: Well, it's sort weirdly pearlescent, and kind of cloudy, usually.
Her: ...so that couldn't just be normal wetness?
Me: Er, I doubt it, considering it can leave wet spots easily this big. (Holds up hands to indicate an area the size of a large saucer)
Her: Oh. No. Not normal wetness then.
Me: Yeah, first time I ejaculated was actually a very short time after I lost my virginity, and I thought the guy had just leaked when he pulled off the condom or something, but in retrospect, I'm pretty sure that was me. And when I got that through masturbation, I found myself with my bum in a big puddle of girl cum.
Her: Huh. Yeah, my wetness is always cloudy though.
Me: That's usually after ovulation though... usually it's kind of clear and egg-whiteish before ovulation.
Her: Huh.
Me: Anyway, I'm sort of trying to teach myself to squirt now. Not much luck so far though...
Her: Yeah, I guess it's harder when you're thinking about it too. You'd have to sort of relax and not think about it.
Me: Oh yeah, definitely. But last time it happened, I had also been aiming for one of those extended orgasms, and I had taken it very slowly. You'd sort of have to set time aside to masturbate, if you want to achieve that.
Her: Yeah, wheras for me it's, "Can I get this done in fifteen minutes before I go to work?"
Me: Heh heh, yeah. I have trouble getting into the right headspace for that, myself. I just don't feel like frustrating myself, and I'm thinking, "Damn it, I want to come NOW, I don't CARE if it gets better if I take longer!
Her: Heh heh.

So it was a bit late last night to be doing the research, but I had a look today. Very interesting to note that the G-spot is also referred to as the urethral sponge. Obviously, there is a link to the urethra in there. Though I was still so vindicated to read that no, girl-cum is not urine. Some traces on occasion, maybe, but that's not what the stuff itself is made of. It made me want to call an old acquaintance of mine and gloat: she is a bit sexually cynical, and when I started talking about female ejaculation to her a few years back...

Her: (dismissively and decisively) It's piss.
Me: No it's not! I've had that happen myself, and it's not piss!
Her: It's piss. You just pissed yourself.
Me: ...!!

You get the idea. But then again, about a year before that conversation, I had a conversation with the same girl, describing an incident of when I had had six orgasms in a row through intercourse, and also managed to get that thing going where you manage to feel the orgasm in your whole body, not just your genitals. Again, ever the cynic, she said, "That's impossible", leaving no room for argument. I just laughed at her then and dropped it. Not like I as going to label her the expert: she had, at that point, never had an orgasm with a man (or woman).

It does show though how complacent some people are when it comes to their sexual boundaries. It is really so wonderful to prove wrong those people who try to place limits on the orgasmic capabilities of the human being. They will always set themselves up to look like idiots, I think. And of course, if you just believe something's impossible, then you're not going to achieve it now, are you?

Fucking machines, longing, and female ejaculation

2008-01-16T22:15:00.001+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: six. Three-self-inflicted, and three thanks to the shag I had. Happy days!

I don't feel like today has been too interesting on a sexual level, although I did find myself watching some dirty videos starring me and a sex machine. Just a little amateur at-home video, but still fun. I had an hour-long conversation on the phone with my beloved, which made me long for him like crazy... well, it's only a little over five weeks until we see each other again. But it's always the home stretch that seems the longest.

I think I might go do some further research into female ejaculation...

Wham-bam, thank you, ma'am.

2008-01-16T00:07:00.000+11:00

I met up with my fellow tonight. We made a date to meet up at a pub, though we stayed there for barely two seconds. The reason being, neither of us are big on pubs. It just seemed like a good place to meet. So we went to his place for a cup of tea instead, and chatted along the way... he was a pleasant enough fellow, and not bad in the looks department. As we both have some French roots, there was a little common ground, especially as it turns out our roots are from similar regions, as well.

Things started to happen very quickly, actually. We were sitting on the couch with our mugs of tea, chatting, and before I knew it, he had scooted closer to me, draped one arm around my shoulders, and as I leaned forward to put my mug of tea on the coffee table, found his mouth against the side of my neck. Damn, I thought, good thing for him that I want to fuck him, or he'd be hurting in all kinds of ways right now. I turned to kiss him, and trailed my fingers down his chest as he carressed my breasts. My fingers encountered wiry chest hair as I ran my hand under his shirt and let my fingertips graze over his nipple.

We moved up to the bedroom very quickly afterwards, and I found myself very quickly peeled out of my clothes -- not that that means much, as I was just wearing my dress and my undies. I shrugged inwardly, and followed his example in getting him naked as well. Doing away with the bullshit works just fine for me, really. But again, I couldn't help but think how lucky this boy was to have found me, rather than a less sexually liberated girl. And, as previously mentioned, he was lucky that I wanted him. One man in the past has found himself forcefully thrown against my windowsill as a reward for unwanted advances.

Once on the bed, he started to finger me, apparently impressed with how slick and wet I already was. When he tried to rub my clitoris a little too directly ("Look at me, I know where the clitoris is, I deserve a prize!"), I politely told him to ease up.

Me: You don't need to rub my clitoris that directly.
Him: Bit sensitive, is it?
Me: (drily) Well, yeah, newsflash, all girls tend to have a sensitive clitoris.

Here's hoping that he will remember that with the next girl in his bed. He did take my words to heart, anyway, and I amused myself stroking his hard cock. He was a good size for me, just slightly above average, which was nice. I pulled his undies off him, and took him in both my hands, alternating between stroking both of them along his shaft, and stroking him with one while stroking his perineum with the other. I love the way when you do that, and the cock in question twitches, you can feel the way it's all connected. Beautiful. And he had a nice, sensitive one, which responded to me trailing my fingers over it as I gripped the base. Nice.

But I didn't feel like dragging out the somewhat limited foreplay. He did suck my nipples a few times, which was all well and good, but frankly, I just wanted him to fuck me. So, with his cock in my hand, and his fingers still plunged into my pussy, I slightly teasingly asked him if he planned to use that anytime soon. He took his cue and put on a condom, then got between my legs and slid his cock inside me. I groaned loudly and threw my head back: I really am one for the cock, there's no denying it. Fingers and tongues are all very nice, but in the end, it's a cock that will get me hot and bothered. He seemed to be enjoying himself, too: "God, you're good," he whispered as he thrust into me. I snorted inwardly at how easily pleased he was, considering that I was really just lying there like a starfish, being passive. I'm still sort of programmed to prefer riding, though it hasn't really worked too well with recent lovers, I have found. Besides, this one seemed perfectly happy where we was, and really, so was I. I was enjoying such a nice slick fuck, really.

As I came close to coming, I clarified how much noise I was allowed to make. As suspected, I had to keep reasonably quiet. I had to snort inwardly again when he said that he was enjoying the noise, as the gasps and occasional quiet groans I was giving were really only the very tip of the iceberg for me. But I behaved, and kept relatively quiet as I came. He slowed down for a moment, and had a moment of waxing lyrical about my eyes. They're quite a nice pair, sure. So I locked gazes with him squarely, and told him to take a good look, then. It seemed to satisfy him in that department, and I could let my eyes slide shut again as he continued to fuck me.

Him: Are you close to coming?
Me: (a bit drily) I already have once, actually.
Him: I'm so close to coming, it's dangerous.
Me: Go for it, it'll set me off either way.

So he sped up and thrust to his little heart's content, and came within a few moments. My hips rose to meet him as I came in response, my pussy clenching tightly around his cock. I had two definite peaks there, after which he pulled out. I still had my twitching and gasping aftershocks for a minute or so before I came down myself.

As soon as I was done, I decided to retrieve my abandoned teacup. He decided to be chivalrous and get it for me, which I thought was kind of cute. I still got up though, to have my post-shag piss... UTIs make me sad, after all. We then lay down together for a bit, me occasionally sitting up to take a swig of my lukewarm tea. We didn't exactly cuddle, but we lay quite close to each other, and he held both my hands. I do wonder how long this guy had gone without before I popped up like that. He certainly was one for the absolute basics, and doesn't seem to be the one-night-stand type, even if our courtship was rather brisk... an hour after we had met up at the pub, we had already finished shagging. The rest was just as brisk: he had to get up very early for work, and it was getting late, so he drove me back to where I had parked my car, and we said our farewells, parting with a quick snog. The whole thing had taken one and a half hours. He apologised profusely for being so rude and kicking me out, but he works in a place where it is actually essential to be alert, otherwise bad badness happens. I shrugged goodnaturedly and told him that was fine. It's not like I had any doubts that he liked me -- I can count at least five times throughout our quick date that he had waxed lyrical about how beautiful and all-round great I am, and he said he'd definitely love to catch up again.

I drove home mildly amused, although also still horny. Three orgasms is nowhere near enough to exhaust me, after all. But I do think I'll be going back for seconds. I suppose the tone of this entry does sort of convey the aloofness I maintained throughout tonight, but I did still enjoy myself, and it's been a while since I've encountered a penis roughly in the right dimensions for me. Don't get me wrong, I love cocks in all shapes and sizes, but I find them perfect around the six, seven inch mark. That's the kind of cock that gives me maximum stimulation without getting uncomfortable.

Plus, I do want to try riding this boy, and widen his sexual repertoire a bit. But I suppose that's just the reaction I get when it is blatantly obvious that I'm the more experienced one.

There is a sweetish scent clinging to my skin. It's a bit too synthetic-smelling to be his body scent -- in fact, I didn't notice much of that at all. I'm guessing it must be his deodorant or something.

Same same?

2008-01-15T17:31:00.000+11:00

Today, I spent a little time browsing around a bookshop. Invariably, I ended up in the sex section... I just can't resist its siren call! Among the various things there, I found The One-Hour Orgasm: How To Learn The Amazing Venus Butterfly Technique. I had a bit of a flick through it, trying to decide whether it would be worth buying or not. One thing in its favour was that it didn't seem to be crammed with the spiritual approach that a lot of tantra books have. But, while I was intrigued, I found myself a little bit dubious about this particular book. Not that I don't believe a one-hour orgasm is possible -- I have every faith that it is, considering that I have only dabbled, and still managed to keep my beloved coming for twenty minutes straight. But I think there was something I didn't quite like about the tone the book was written in... it was probably angled at people with unsatisfying sex lives, which I certainly don't have. I just believe you can always strive for more.

I also couldn't help but wonder how different this book is to ESO : How You and Your Lover Can Give Each Other Hours of Extended Sexual Orgasm. The One-Hour Orgasm seems to be a little newer. I have little basis for this, because I didn't check its publishing date, but ESO was first published in 1983. What I assume to be the original reference is more recent than that: 1986.

In any case, I didn't buy the book, but it still is sort of tempting. It would be nice to find out beforehand how much new material it has though. At the end of the day, when you read books like that, you have to accept though that nobody is ever completely right. And you have to decide for yourself which parts are spot on, and which are a bit more dubious.

Sexpectations...

2008-01-15T11:59:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: three. A little less pathetic.

I'm looking forward to my date tonight. It might be a little bit presumptuous of me to be so filled with sexpectation, but it's been almost two weeks, and that is usually the point at which I get really antsy. I've certainly been having a lot of thoughts of cock in the last few days.

Not that men give a flying fuck, but I've even shaved my legs. Say what you like, it's a sexy feeling for my skin to be so smooth... it feels almost a little disconcerting to be wearing pants when you're not used to having smooth legs. Tonight, I plan to be strutting around in a dress I have had many good times with... it has been ripped off me in many a moment of passion, so maybe it will bring me luck. Fuck luck. Heh heh.

Self-confidence = libido?

2008-01-14T19:50:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: One. One! Pathetic. And yes, self-inflicted.

Today has been uninteresting. Though I did get a call from the more interesting of the two fellows I made contact with yesterday. This pleases me. He seems quite nice, actually. We have agreed to meet up tomorrow evening, which should be pleasant enough.

As for the other fellow: he is starting to get on my nerves right royally. Pushy bugger. I think I might tell him to get lost. Call me old-fashioned, but I do not think it to be particularly polite or respectful to first ask for a threesome upon hearing I have a female housemate, and then ask for anal, before having even met me in the flesh. Fuckhead. I really don't appreciate people who try to push comfort zones so early on, and this one obviously just looked at my photos and my stats, without reading what I had to say for myself.

In a slightly different vein, I found myself having a conversation with my friend Zac while we were waiting for the bus. It had started with him belting out the various whimsical little pop songs he writes, and then moving to a more serious one, which he had written for a female friend of his whose boyfriend beats her.

Me: In that situation, I'd beat him right back.
Him: Yeah, but you've got self-confidence.
Me: ...true. Sigh. When you get right down to it, very few women seem to have self-confidence. Or enjoy sex, for that matter.
Him: Yep.
Me: I wonder if the two are related...
Him: Shrugs Maybe.
Me: I don't know, men like that just make my blood boil. The kind of situation that would make the stereotypical girl cringe away and feel intimidated, would just fill me with rage and make me roar.
Him: Nods Yeah, guys like that really shit me, too.

It also got me thinking once again what a frighteningly large number of people in my acquaintance have been sexually abused in some way, shape or form. And I'm not talking exclusively about women, either. It makes me realise once again how damn lucky I have been, and how sheltered. And I find myself wondering, how did I stay safe? I'm starting to think that my mum going through her self-defense course phase when I was ten has served to vaccinate me as much as is possible. Back when I was the punching bag for the boys in the schoolyard, I had nowhere near the self-confidence I have now. Mum told me that all the women in her self-defence course were scared little mice in the beginning. When the instructor told them to yell, none of them had the guts to do even that. Not surprising: it breaks social norms, which I suspect women are less willing to do. After the course, mum told me that if ever I got into that kind of situation, I should never be afraid to scream, raise a fuss, and draw attention to the situation, as that is precisely what molestors, rapists, and attackers fear most. Back then, it seemed such a ridiculous thing to do, with me being the timid little girl I was.

Even my motivation to take up Karate in order to defend myself has its roots with mum, when I really think about it. She actually would have joined me, if her permanently injured elbows could have supported it. As it was, she watched with admiration, which was probably the best motivation I could get. And the result of learning a martial art was that I actually became less aggressive and more relaxed. And yet, the men who are often accused of being disrespectful to women just don't try anything with me. The result is, actually, that I have started to view men with rose-tinted glasses, and I forget that there is a breed of man out there that I would label "scumbag". I am only reminded of their existence when I see my friends fall victim to them, or when I talk to one online, because text on a screen does not convey that demeanor of mine, which seems to act as such a strong deterrent.

I suppose it's no wonder I attract Nice Guys(TM): they probably feel the least threatened by me. It makes me think, maybe when something doesn't work out between a Nice Guy and myself, I should refer him to one of my abused friends. Then again, a lot of said abused friends probably wouldn't be attracted to them, considering how they seem to have their wires crossed.

Sometimes I do wonder though: how many women don't seem to enjoy sex simply because they lack the self-confidence? How often is sex dampened by feelings of shame, self-deprecation, and inadequacy? I mean, how is a girl going to enjoy sex if she is worrying about her appearance, or doesn't feel strong and capable? How can she enjoy it if she doesn't love herself? I have frequently been accused of being a narcissist, and perhaps there is some truth in that; I am, after all, a spoiled brat. But such statements seem to be provoked by something as benign as me catching sight of myself in the mirror and saying to myself, "My hair looks good today". Frankly, until someone self-confident calls me a narcissist, I'd be tempted to disregard it. To someone with no self-confidence, someone who does have that sort of confidence probably does look like a flaming narcissist.

It brings to mind the lyrics of I touch myself, by the Divinyls:

I love myself,
I want you to love me...

I think they had it right.

Come to think of it, the pushy bloke doesn't deserve a chance with me. He has struck out. Cockrag. But it makes me all the more pleased that I have heard from the other one, who really does seem nice.

Some failures, and the memories they bring back.

2008-01-14T00:41:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: five. Once again, all self-inflicted.

I spent some time online today, poking at an adult personals site which I have been visiting on and off over the last few years... it's always a matter of fishing the gems out of the rubbish, I have found. Eventually, you get sick of the rubbish, and stay away for a while, but eventually, the desire for the gems (or should I be saying, "family jewels"?) sends you back.

I did come across a reasonably interesting fellow, with whom I hope to meet up sometime. There was also another, who was more pretty than intelligent, and I suspect my actions were driven by my pussy. We ended up chatting for a bit, and making a tentative time to meet up later on tonight, after I was finished with a prior engagement I had. I was having one of those moments when I just wanted to fuck something, and really didn't care about the specifics.

As it was, I met up with a few friends for some drinks, as I had already promised to do, and we spent some time sitting around, having the philosophical conversations people holding glasses of beer tend to have. It was pleasant enough. I also got to meet the Fijian boyfriend of a friend of mine, whom I hit it off with quite nicely. While my friend was off socialising elsewhere, I ended up going for a short walk with him. He was a nice enough fellow, and very pretty in the face, but he was also a smoker, which would have been a deal-breaker for me, even if he weren't in a presumably monogamous relationship. This made me wonder all the more why he seemed to be encouraging a mild sexual tension between us. When he asked to hold my hand on the pretext of stopping me from stumbling, I politely declined. He may have meant it to be quite harmless, but I'm not a stranger to one thing leading to another. In addition to that, I do have a history of breaking up couples simply by being platonic friends with the guy.

I have come to the conclusion that if you ever wanted to break up a couple, the key is to not try to do it. Your continued presence, if there's a spark between you and one member of the couple, is enough to slowly drive a wedge between them, and because you honestly don't want them to break up, they don't blame you, and treat you as a friend, and so you continue to be around, until it all comes tumbling down. You don't have to have done anything remotely sexual for that to happen. All it takes is a little paranoia from the other member of the couple (usually the female), and you get into a catch-22 of the couple fighting, the male confiding in you, and so on. It is for that reason that now, when I see that kind of pattern start to repeat itself, I run like hell. I'd rather sacrifice a new friendship than destroy another relationship. But at the same time, it saddens me how many women seem to feel threatened by my mere presence, on the basis of me being physically attractive.

Back to tonight: eventually, a few of us went on a wild goose chase around town, by the end of it my libido had decided to call it a day, so I gave my prospective shag a call, and we decided to maybe meet some other time. Besides, it's probably not the greatest idea to make such decisions when my pussy is throbbing, and when I've only orgasmed once on that day. I was quite glad to get home. Though the wild goose chase we went on brought us to a place that reminded me of an incident a little over two years ago: I had been on a date with a prospective shag who happened to live in that area. We'd had dinner together at a seafood place, and then sat in the grass together, looking up at the stars. Eventually, we started kissing, but it was getting late, and I had to catch a tram home. Before I left, he remarked that I had such gorgeous kissing lips, he could imagine they would be talented elsewhere. Well, quite.

We met up again some time later, at my place. The sex was unremarkable, and throughout the procedure, he had started to irritate me. I was twenty, he was twenty-six, and thus seemed to have delusions of grandeur over me. This disgusted me, as my regular lover was five years his senior, so this arrogant little cockrag had absolutely no reason to think himself so high and mighty. Every time he called me "sweetie", my hackles went up a little. At the end of it, when he left, I found that I was glad to be rid of him. I also came to the conclusion that he really didn't deserve me, so I deleted his phone number and hoped that he would get a urinary tract infection from our encounter. Not nice, I know, but I'm not always above being a little spiteful. As it was, he messaged me again a few days later, which surprised me: from the way I had read his signals, I had thought he wasn't particularly interested in repeating the experience, either. As it was, I simply ignored him, and he never called me again. The end.

Phallic thoughts and memories, in a possibly incoherent order.

2008-01-12T20:36:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: two, self-inflicted.

Which I suppose explains why I am so damn fixated today. I think I have been thinking of penises pretty much all day, starting off with humorous contexts, and eventually leading to me imagining a nice hard cock in my hands. My favourite thing about penises has to be how they respond to my touch.

While it is relatively rare for me to give handjobs and seeing them through to completion, I love the way a cock feels in my hand moments before orgasm, when I can feel it ready to pump out the cum, the way the it flexes and pulses in my hand. I suppose in a way, it explains why Paul recently told me I was great with my hands: I do actually love touching a cock, and enthusiasm goes a long way, especially for girls. And when it comes to feeling exactly what stage a cock is at, what it's up to, hands definitely win, er, hands down.

That being said though, you can feel the same thing whilst giving head.

I'll admit it: like probably the vast majority of women, I started out not that keen on it. The first cock I ever sucked was a rather large one, which probably wasn't the best thing for an entry-level student, so to speak. I knelt there with this big cock in my mouth, wondering how the hell it was physically possible to suck on something that big, when you didn't have the room to spare in your mouth (I guess that's an acquired skill, because no matter what the size, I have no problem with that now). Luckily, I guess I was always creative-minded, because even when I was a beginner, my technique was somewhat praised. It just took me a while to gain some real confidence -- every time I found myself with a cock at mouth level, I felt like I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.

So what changed my mind? Initiative, I suppose. Roughly six months after I had lost my virginity, I found myself with my third lover, who would enthusiastically eat me out, and I couldn't help but think that it was common courtesy to return the favour.* But I still found myself lacking confidence in that particular art. So how did I learn my technique? Well, Google is your friend. I ended up searching for "blowjob techniques", or something like that, and came across a website in which a gay man explained how to give a good blowjob. Perfect, I thought, for who would know better than one who both gives and receives it?**

What I read changed my perception on the art of fellatio. Before that, I had approached it as a chore. This man, whoever he was, offered a completely different viewpoint: To give fellatio is intimate. It's loving. If you're going to be sucking a cock, take the time to explore it, get to know it. That certainly worked for me; the next time I sucked my boyfriend's cock, I no longer did it with the objective of making him happy enough so that I could stop, but rather, I did it with a new curiosity, really taking in how he felt inside my mouth. My attitude had changed completely. And add to that some of the specific techniques I had learned***, I got to work with great gusto. I had of course practised on my fingers beforehand, but what are they in comparison to an eager cock?

The second time I tried out my new skills, I was rewarded with the first time a guy came in my mouth. I had been sucking him, playing around, exploring, and vaguely thinking that I was sort of starting to enjoy this more, and suddenly realised he was on the verge of coming. And in my mind, I coaxed him, "Come on, baby, come for me!". And come he did. And I, after swallowing the load, wondered what the big deal was about the taste of semen. Sure, it doesn't exactly taste of fine wine, but it's not sulphuric acid, either. Sheesh. Of course, I eventually discovered that changes in diet and lifestyle do seem to affect the taste of a person's orgasmic secretions.

In any case, after that incident, I was converted, and have enjoyed giving head ever since. In fact, I really miss giving head, but I do it so very rarely these days. My beloved is the only one who gets the full extent of that privilege, as we are fluid bonded to each other, which, obviously, includes oral sex. And generally, I don't bother giving head to my other suitors, because, let's face it, flavoured condoms taste like shit. Thus, I only do it when I'm truly burning for it, and that tends to require me to like and more or less trust the recipient. As a result, fellatio has become a much more intimate thing for me than actual intercourse.

I suppose one thing which will always come to mind when I think of how much I enjoy giving head is actually one of my casual encounters: this was some time before my beloved and I agreed on fluid bonding, back when our relationship was still casual. I had met this man through a swinger's site, and we quite impulsively decided to meet at a pub. Less than an hour later, we were naked in bed together. One of the things I most fondly remember about him, actually, was how when I had been straddling him on the couch, kissing him deeply, he got up and lifted me in the same movement, my legs around his waist. He carried me up the stairs to his bedroom that way, and lowered me onto the bed. Let me explain: while I may be quite slender, my height still makes me quite heavy, so being carried in such a way is a very rare treat for me indeed.

But back to the events of that night: we got naked very quickly, and I found my pussy practically worshipped by this man. Within moments, I came; and, after having donned a condom, he folded my legs over his shoulders and slid into me. We shagged with a gleeful passion, and he asked whether I'd like to ride him. Gladly, I said, although I found that I really didn't want him to stop. He thrust into me a few more times, then pulled out and rolled over onto his back so I could straddle him. I slid back onto him and rode him slowly, often forcing him to slow down until finally, I allowed him to build proper speed and rode him to climax.

It was after we had spent some time lying next to each other, recovering and swapping amusing sexual anecdotes, that he kissed his way up the insides of my thighs and ate my pussy out again. By the end of that, I was itching to return the favour, so I straddled his legs, and started licking and stroking his cock back into hardness. I then went to work properly, realising how much I had missed giving head (I had already kept it a relatively rare thing back then). I was reminded of how I enjoy it, not for the power that it gives me, but for the feeling of this thing quivering and practically singing out, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" as I stroke it with my tongue. I went slowly, dragging it out, enjoying the slow build-up I was giving him before working towards actually getting him off. I could tell a moment or two before he was going to come, and from then on, made sure to suck him hard through his orgasm, savagely prolonging it. I was rewarded with an exclamation of "Oh God!", which satisfied me that I had done my job well. He took a while to recover from that, and basically wrapped all his limbs around me in what I suspect was a moment of throwing caution to the wind. He had been attentive all along, but in no way affectionate. It was nice to see that some people do have some one-night-stand etiquette.

We actually met up one more time a few weeks afterwards, and had sex, but our second time was quite unremarkable, so in my mind, I still like to treat this one as a one-night-stand, and remember it with great fondness. Some months later, partly spurred on my being reminded of how much I had enjoyed giving head again, I crossed that line with my beloved: we had been lovers for several months, but had never had oral sex, as he was at the time fluid-bonded with someone else, and I respected that. But I guess one day, I decided that I wanted his cock in my mouth, and was happy for it to be a one-sided thing. It was actually in a very random heated moment, near a playground at twilight (yes, the children had gone home!), that I sucked him off for the first time. It was only a very quick and fleeting thing, but in retrospect, it was probably one of the many turning points in our relationship. I got myself tested for any STD's shortly afterwards, and since then have been careful almost to the point of paranoia when it comes to fluid exchange. I sometimes think back to the days before that, and cringe at the risks I took back then. But it seems to be quite normal, which is all the more disturbing, considering what can be transmitted through oral sex alone.

Well, it is probably time for me to wrap up this entry now. I think I have adequately conveyed the extent to which I've been thinking of cock today. On that note, I think it is time for me to go and have a wank. I did have a very nice one earlier today though... I love how dripping wet I get with such slow stimulation. Though my poor vibrator is taking a bashing -- I think I might have to buy a AA battery charger!

*That being said though, I hate it when a man will eat me out because he feels he should, or because he wants me to suck him off. If you don't enjoy what you're doing in the sack, what's the point? My only excuse for having had that same attitude back then was that I was only eighteen.

**That perception was partly fuelled by the fact that a few months prior to that, a male friend of mine had flippantly said that women should have penises for a few years early in life, just so they learn how to give decent blowjobs. Apparently that same friend of mine has been guilty of saying, whilst receiving a blowjob from a girl, "Nup. You're crap. Stop it."

***The one that impressed me the most, and which I still find to be a keeper these days, is the bob and twist: as you do the classic bobbing up and down motion associated with a blowjob, you twist your head from side to side, thus allowing your tongue to swirl around your lover's cock... trust me, he'll thank you for it!

2008-01-11T22:22:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: six. All self-inflicted.

And I must be at an un-horny time in my cycle, because tonight, I could almost take it or leave it, and so far, it's only been two orgasms today.

I suppose it does happen. Just as well that there's no action on for tonight. Not that I'd say no if it were offered to me...

I did have an alternately horny and lovey-dovey chat on the phone with my beloved though. That got me fired up for a bit, but then I got interrupted mid-wank by a phonecall from his mother. Sigh. Oh well. Even I can be served a passion-killer every now and again...

Odds and ends

2008-01-10T23:30:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: eight. All self-inflicted. Why yes, it was a very horny day, how did you guess?

Today was shaping up to be similar, but just when I was about to go and rub myself into oblivion, again, I found some teenager starting an online conversation with me. Said teenager was a boy with an extra X chromosome, giving him a definitely female appearance. Huh. I found myself taking it with a grain of salt at the beginning, figuring it might just be someone playing a joke on me, but I sort of came to the conclusion that he was probably legit. It was an interesting conversation. When he told me about having recently been sexually abused by a group of guys though, I felt my blood boil and my horniness evaporate. We really do have a long way to go as a society, it seems. I mean, obviously, rape is not solely focussed on the unusual, but it still pissed me off like crazy.

When our conversation turned to more normal things, my libido returned, and I found myself getting pestered and propositioned online by a young man I had met for coffee a few weeks back. And damn it, I was tempted, even though I wasn't really that physically attracted to him. The thing that stopped me from taking him up on his offer, in the end, was an upset stomach. Looks like the tahini was a little bit off...

I also had a chance to talk to Gabe today. I had started to think that maybe he was avoiding me, but apparently he was just busy, and adament that he did not want me to leave him alone. Well, that's good to know. :) Not that we're likely to get much time to catch up anytime soon, but still, it's nice to know I'm appreciated.

I am counting the days until my beloved and I are reunited. Not long now!

Fight fucking club

2008-01-09T15:03:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: two. Very poor. That would also explain why when I wanked this morning, my juices drenched my hand, and I wanked to three intense orgasms right on the spot. I think I'm getting closer to this whole squirting thing, too, because the juice that drenched my hand had that strange pearly quality that I seem to remember ye olde proper girl cum having.

I'm half-way through watching Fight Club at the moment. It's been a little while since I last saw it. Ever notice when you watch the same movie or read the same book a few years apart, you realise new things about it? It's obvious, of course, but I still had to say it.

For some reason, I find that the whole fighting element of it resounding with me more these days. I think that's because I've been feeling a bit more cathartic lately. And when you add to that the noisy Tyler and Marla sex scenes, it just makes me want to fight fuck someone. I want the kind of fuck where you snarl at each other like animals, literally struggling against each other, nails biting into each other's skin, trying to gain the upper hand.

Actually, I suspect my "fight fuck" desires might be a bit of a manifestation of the "rape fantasy" that is kind of common among women, though few of us will admit to it. Now, before I go on, let me make this perfectly clear: Women do not want to be raped, and if you interpreted my last words in a way that suggested that they did, then you're fucked in the head.

There are plenty of misconceptions about rape, it seems. Some people seem to honestly think that rape occurs because men want the sex, rather than to control and overpower the women. While there probably are some rape cases that fall into the former category, at the end of the day, rape is about power and control, and when control is taken from someone that way, it is obviously profoundly damaging. I have too many isolated little theories to go into right now, and this is not really what I want this post to be about, but I do think that the common "rape fantasy" is actually the desire to lose control, to relinquish it, like any other form of submission. And yeah, there is a certain appeal in a man just wanting you so badly that he just takes you. In the safe little realm of your fantasy, it does manage to be appealing.

I, however, relish more in the power struggle. The truth is, the thought of someone trying to violently take control of me fills me with rage, which, in a horny moment like this, can manifest in that desire to fight fuck; to take on someone who wants to take control of me, to struggle for the upper hand, and end up taking control of him.

Maybe that's why my dominant tendencies generally only surface with men who are generally also dominant, or at least fancy themselves in some sort of position of power over women. I get a certain sadistic delight out of showing them how wrong they are, and putting them in their place.

Though I suppose the Tyler and Marla sex scenes will always strike a chord with me, as it is rare for couples to be so unbridled and noisy. It's rapidly getting old how my lovers are initially shocked at the way I let loose. I do wonder sometimes how many people realise just how much sexual potential they are restraining simply by putting so much effort into being quiet. I quite honestly believe that it should be more socially acceptable to have noisy sex. But maybe that's because I kind of like listening in on people fucking with a gleeful passion...

Musings on the good, the bad, and the fucking gorgeous.

2008-01-08T16:20:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: six. All self-inflicted, none of them really that spectacular.

Today, after having rented two DVDs to watch, I found myself looking at some of the pictures of Brad Pitt in Fight Club. And while I'm not really a fan of Brad Pitt, I do have to admit that Tyler Durden is a sexy bitch. Why? Because he's a dirty, nasty bastard. He is the classic "bad boy" who manages to be so god damn appealing.

That got me thinking about how a lot of women complain about the fact that they attract arseholes, and they can never seem to find a nice guy. I can't help but chuckle at that, because really, I am increasingly coming to believe that women are in fact more attracted to the so-called "arseholes". In fact, as Neil Strauss, author of The Game: Penetrating the Secret society of Pick-Up Artists would probably also point out, in order for a woman to pay any attention to him, many a nice guy would have to emulate the behaviour of the aforementioned "arseholes".

I, however, have found the exact opposite happening to me. More often than not, I seem to end up with the nice guys, those sweet, caring, and all-round wonderful people. Apparently, I'm a little differently wired. I know I have lusted after the occasional bad boy, but it's the nice guy I end up in the sack with, more often than not. Not that I'm complaining, but I can't help wondering why that is. I have a few theories, of course. Having gone through a period of mistrusting boys to the point of not letting them within an 18-inch radius of me, perhaps the bad boys have been permanently ruined for me. It was the good guys I learned to trust enough to let them touch me at all, so I guess it's them I learned to be attracted to.

That, and I don't really have the attention span to stress about the bad boys' horrible deeds, or the fact that they never call or whisper sweet romantic fluff in our ears, and generally don't seem to give a flying fuck about us. Women are generally hard-wired to seek approval, whether it be from men or otherwise. And I'm not saying that I'm not, because to a certain extent, I am. I am still a woman, after all.
But I guess I have learned to "override" that instinct, to a certain extent. Sure, I catch myself at it, but then I get bored with it, and move on to something else within a day or two, instead of angsting all week. And, if the Peases' questionnaire determining how typically male or female you are is to be trusted,
I'm pretty damn close to being a man in my mind, so perhaps I seek approval a little less. I suppose higher testosterone levels would also explain this fixation with sex.

I really shouldn't complain, because nice boys are, well, nice. They do all those nice things, like cuddling you after sex, and treating you the way I assume girls generally like to be treated. They're good to you, and unlikely to toy with your emotions.

But.

There's always a "but", isn't there? The thing is, only few of these "nice guys" (in my experience at least), will "do the nasty" or get "down and dirty" with you, as opposed to the kind of sex that often comes frighteningly close to "making love". Nothing against "making love" -- I know I love it. I can't even articulate how wonderful, how beautiful, how bloody mind-blowing it is to make love to someone you are head over heels in love with. That being said though, there is a time and place for everything. And sometimes, even us girls (well, okay, I'm speaking for myself here) like it nasty. I have recently been indulging quite a bit in a little fantasy of mine, in which one of my casual nice guys stops to kiss me in a dark corner at a pub, slides his hands up my skirt, pulls my g-string aside, unzips his fly, and lifts me onto his cock, fucking me against a wall. Typing this up was enough to make my pussy throb, actually.

But who am I kidding? The chances of this particular young man doing something that risquee are slim to none.

I'm not saying that all nice guys are straight-laced though; hell no. I actually suspect that a whole lot of them are much dirtier than they'll admit. But in my experience, most of the nice guys I have ended up with have not acted on their desires, which I think is a crying shame. It makes me all the more grateful though that my beloved is pretty damn adventurous, and not afraid to get dirty.

But I suspect that this whole thing with being nice and not acting on your desires is basically because the Nice Guy doesn't want to upset the women around him. In other words, he seeks approval from females, just like a woman would. Meanwhile, the bad boy is more likely to take risks, disregard other people's feelings, and ends up getting more variety, albeit probably not a whole lot in terms of long term relationships, which is what the nice guy gets.

It does make evolutionary sense, of course. The nice guy provides the stability for the girl, who procreates with the bad boy, and thus the bad boy's offspring is in fact raised by the nice guy, alongside the nice guy's own offspring. It works, even if it doesn't seem fair. Though I can't quite help but wonder how the nice girls/bad girls fit into this equation. Whom do they end up with? Whose offspring would they bear, if it weren't for birth control? From what I understand, it is the nice girl who gets pursued by the bad boy. Or rather, she seeks approval from the bad boy, and thus ends up with him in her pants, because of her attempts to get him to "settle down". I however, when faced with a situation when a girl would seek approval, just shrug and go back to talking to the nice guy. I suppose there is also this whole business with beinbg a "challenge" to bed, which I'm not. If I want someone, I fuck them, if I don't, I don't. I don't really have that middle-ground of needing to be wheedled and cajoled and enticed into the sack. I have had a few nice guys comment on my apparent lack of "restraint".

Well, at this point, I'm entering sort of fuzzy territory, and trailing off abit, so I'll leave it at that. I was also going to rave on about a fucking gorgeous redhead I saw on the bus today, but I've been blogging for almost two hours now, so I'll leave that for later.

Meatmarket

2008-01-07T22:36:00.000+11:00

Sometimes it really sucks, cutting down on your sexual adventures for reasons that you fathom intellectually, but that your loins want to know nothing of. The result, in my case at least, is that I end up all the hornier, and find myself looking at and considering random people who I generally probably wouldn't go for. Today, getting groceries, I found myself noticing a total of maybe seven men whom I considered to be definite possibilities.

At least I have calmed down now. And when I stop and think about it, most of those men only set off my grope reflex, which isn't quite the same as wanting to fuck someone. Maybe there's hope for me yet. And if I keep my hands off my friend Zac, whom I will probably be meeting up with tomorrow, I'll be downright proud of myself.

I suppose all this horniness does explain my insane craving for chocolate.

The first real blog entry, and an explanation.

2008-01-07T22:08:00.000+11:00

There, I have finished transferring entries! I do feel ever so accomplished. As you may have gathered, I keep another copy of this journal elsewhere, but have come to the conclusion that I want to host it here. So this is it. No more entries where the title begins with "Backlog:". This is in real time now. Huzzah!

Backlog: untitled (7. January 2008)

2008-01-07T22:01:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: Seven. All self-inflicted.

I'm feeling a bit ill at ease. And I miss my beloved.

I can tell that today is going to be awesome.

Backlog: A few reluctant realisations (6. January 2008)

2008-01-07T21:58:00.000+11:00

Today, I decided I didn't want to fuck either Gabe or Paul any more, at least not for a while. The main reason for this is that I've caught myself having sex because I crave intimacy, and even worse, both of the aforementioned men give me that, in a genuine, caring way.

This would all be well and good; but the trouble is, my traitor body, with its hormones and all, is trying to take me through a manufactured post-break-up, moving-on stage. Except for one problem: I haven't in fact broken up with anyone. My stupid body just assumes that because I haven't seen my beloved for nigh on six months. Goddamn chemical processes. So for now, I have to restrict my sex to completely casual encounters, rather than with men who care about me, and whom I care about. That, and masturbation. How vexing!

As for actual intimacy, I think I'll just have to stick to hugs, from whoever is willing to give them. Unfortunately, simultaneous orgasms, kissing, or even platonically waking up next to each other is a bit of an explosive thing for me to be doing right now. I have to pointedly not listen to my pussy here.

I have already let Paul know about this. He was quite nice about it, really. Glad to know that. I like to think that I'm pretty decent at maintaining friendship with people I have slept with, after the fact. we were talking again quite comfortably shortly afterwards, though apparently some things had to be said:

Him: you realise you've ruined me for other women don't you?
Me: Uh, why?
Him: loves to fuck, anytime of day or night, you're hot, open to suggestion and you cum like a train... what's not to like?
Me: Well, I'm sure there are others like me out there. :) Not many, but they do exist. Mind you, I get what you're saying... it creeps me out how much less the average girl seems to enjoy sex than i do.

As for Gabe: well, it's kind of in limbo. And part of me doesn't want to cut him off just yet, with the excuse that I probably won't see him for another few months anyway, so who cares?

Actually, I'm just being weak. Earlier today, I was still a little put out about not having heard from him, and then felt appeased by a two-page SMS from him, affectionate and complimentary as you please. Aargh! I'm acting like some cock-slapped (or whatever the counterpart of the term "pussywhipped" is) girly girl! And while it's not like he's even that high up in quality of shags I've had in my time, by any stretch of the imagination, he does smell damn good. Sometimes, I do hate the power of pheromones, even though the effect of them can be so wonderful.

I think I'll just ignore him for a while. Seems to be what he does too, except when we happen to be together. That's when he gets really affectionate. He has complained to me about past attempts at casual relationships, which have resulted in the girl falling for him. I'm starting to think that that's his own damn fault, if he's going to be so affectionate and nice, only to withdraw it long enough to make a girl want his attention, and then giving it just before she is about to ditch him. I doubt he does it on purpose, but it's certainly a potent combination, and it pisses me off that to a certain extent, it works on me, too.

Yep. I think ignoring him will be the best choice for now. And once I have properly reconnected with my beloved, and my traitor body is no longer trying to pull these stunts with my emotional state, I can figure out whether I want to bed Gabe again. Though when I think about it, it probably is just wiser to go for the friendship default. We shall see.

For now, I think I shall once again focus on my masturbatory project: seeing if I can get myself to squirt. Though I think that tonight, I'm a little too tired and irked for it. It'll probably just be a quick fiddle before I go to sleep.

Night y'all.

Backlog: Dredging up past possibilities (6. January 2008)

2008-01-07T21:55:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: three. All self-inflicted.

I woke up this morning horny as hell, and found myself thinking about Peter, a man I have lusted after years ago. We met somewhat by chance, and I was immediately attracted to him, and flirted outrageously. From what I could tell, he was flirting back, and there was a certain glint in his eyes when he looked at me. We shared a few geeky interests, and often found ourselves in the same places late at night as a result of those interests. Sometimes, he'd drive me home, and we got on like a house on fire. In fact, I was cautiously eyeing him as a candidate for potential boyfriend material -- my relationship with my beloved was still much more casual at that point.

Of course, I had to give up on the idea quickly enough: he turned out to have a girlfriend, and let's face it, the vast majority of relationships in the Western world is monogamous. Shit. Still, nothing changed between us, we still flirted, and eventually, he took me to meet his girlfriend, having explained beforehand that she was bisexual. Aah. It all became clear. Well, I shrugged inwardly, and accepted the situation. I was no stranger to the threesome initiated by the man wanting me, and thus giving me to his bisexual girlfriend in hopes that she'll share.

In any case, the girlfriend, Sally, turned out to be nice enough, though I felt no particular spark for her, nor did we share any particular interests. Still, I was happy enough to get involved, and after a few occasions of "sniffing each other out", as it were, the three of us ended up enmeshed together on the couch at their place. And while I pointedly focussed my attention on Sally, I found myself responding to Peter's affections more than I was entirely comfortable with. I just liked him a little bit too much. I wanted him like crazy, but kept myself more passive towards him, simply because I had no idea what I was and wasn't allowed to do to him. So when he kissed me, I'd kiss him back, when he spooned me, I pressed against him, feeling his erection in the small of my back, wishing I could just fuck him, and when he fingered me, I arched and moaned, wanting him all the more. I behaved. I didn't sense that openness and freedom to do anything you wanted, which I had felt in previous threesomes with other people. I wasn't going to push it.

Afterwards, I sort of drifted apart from them, as sometimes, you really don't need to complicate your life even further. I also found myself distracted by my relationship with my beloved getting more serious, and at the end of the day, my attraction to Peter didn't really compare. But this morning, I found myself remembering Peter, and the effect he'd had on me, and I couldn't resist fantasising about him as I fucked myself with my vibrator, which is incidentally roughly the same size as him. And I'm tempted to contact him and make a time to catch up with both of them again. We recently took up loose contact again, about six months ago, after maybe 18 months of silence. It's damn tempting, but probably not wise. Damn it.

I've also been thinking about Gabe quite a bit. I've just found out through the grapevine that he's no longer in town, and has gone home. Hm. I suppose it's just as well, but I am a little put out about the fact that he didn't tell me that. I'd sort of thought we'd catch up again before he left, even if just for a platonic chin wag.

Then again, it's not like I do the usual thing that girls do, when they keep calling and pestering their men. In fact, I haven't really contacted him at all, unless you count the bulk message I send out to a whole group of people, which is hardly personal. I guess like many men, I actually expect my shag partners to contact me, and not vice versa.

Backlog: Knuckling down (5. January 2008)

2008-01-07T21:52:00.000+11:00

My libido has been a bit patchy over the last two days, but today, it managed to rear its (ugly) head again. I did tingle a little bit this morning, waking up next to Paul. As previously mentioned, there was no sex last night, just a little kissing and cuddling, and the occasional nuzzle in places that make me tingle. I think Paul tingled a bit too, as I could feel his erection pressed up against me through his pants. Neither of us acted on this fact though, and he left for work shortly afterwards. Still, the memory of his hard cock pressed up against me served to distract me a little throughout the day.

I spent some time chatting online with my beloved, which helped take care of some grumpiness I'd been feeling earlier today. He also sent me some pictures of the holiday he's on at the moment, and looking at those photos of him really brought home that I want to be with him again. Two days ago, a pheromone-soaked T-shirt of his arrived in the mail, which I have been alternating between sniffing and wearing. He smells so good. When I went to wank after our conversation, there was a phantom of his naked self kneeling on the bed, looming over me, ready to fuck me senseless. I can't wait to replace the phantom with the real thing! As for now, I gave my new vibe a bit of a thrashing, and happily vibed myself to two orgasms... I wasn't coming as easily as usual today, but I guess we all have off days.

As it was, once I was finished with the vibe, I started fingering myself, with my G-spot in mind... I always figured I knew where it was, but now I'm wondering whether it's some other erogenous zone I've been rubbing all these years. I mean, the g-spot is supposed to be closely linked to making you squirt, but I've only squirted twice in my life, which I find disappointing. Thus, I fingered myself a bit, and encountered once again what I figured to be my g-spot. I wonder, would I be more likely to squirt if I focussed solely on that, rather than abusing my clitoris at the same time? Might be a worth a try. I still sort of fondly remember the last time I squirted, after which I found myself with my arse lying in a puddle of girl-cum.

G-spot aside, I found myself sliding more and more fingers into myself, until I had all five on one hand inside. I have been through a few fisting attempts in my time, all of which stopped short at the knuckles. But hand size is obviously an issue, and the only hands that have been that far inside my pussy have been my own, and my beloved's, and our hand size is pretty much identical. But I think this time round, I came just a little bit closer. At least, I managed to get my middle three knuckles definitely in, and the knuckles of my thumb and pinky were on the cusp. I got to the point where you gasp in a mixture of pleasure and pain, and I actually had a small third orgasm. I felt rather accomplished...

Backlog: Some time out (5. January 2008)

2008-01-07T21:50:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: three. Two of them self-inflicted.

Paul came over tonight, but we agreed on no sex this time round. It was kind of nice to just have his company. He filled my hug quota for the day, which is always a good thing. Though when he left this morning, I found myself somewhat horny. Looks like my new vibe is in for a thrashing.

A thing I notice when I have sex with anyone other than my beloved, by the way: I am so damn grateful that I generally don't yell out the name of the person I'm with. It was never a thing I did, and my beloved is an exception. Luckily, I don't get names mixed up with him, but that's because he stands out from the crowd, so to speak. I mean, last time I shagged Paul, I caught myself thinking Gabe's name. It's so damn easy to get names confused. I have on occasion caught myself cycling through three, four, even five names in my mind before getting to the appropriate one. Oops.

Like I said, it's a good thing I don't generally yell out names. It's a recipe for disaster.

Backlog: Breaking the record (4. January 2008)

2008-01-07T21:47:00.000+11:00

Frankly, I can't really be stuffed to recount last night in painstaking detail, but I do have a tendency of waffling on, so let's see how long and detailed this entry ends up, shall we?

My first orgasm of the day was the result of my usual early-morning wank. Very rare for me not to indulge in that -- it tends to take one or two orgasms to get me out of bed. But then I decided to save myself for the evening, what with Paul coming over, and he has a bit of a tendency to keep going like a Duracell bunny, because it takes him ages to come. Excellent in terms of getting lots of orgasms, but he's a big boy, so it can lead to soreness, and after five or six orgasms, even I dry up. Lube only lasts for so long. And, well, it's not like I was absolutely gagging for it or anything, considering the thorough shagging I had received from Gabe on the previous day.

In retrospect, maybe I should have engaged in some proper phone sex with my beloved during the day, but I still had saving my juices for the upcoming exhaustion in mind. That, and it's very difficult (for me at least) to wank effectively whilst sitting in an office chair. But at least the previous reason turned out to be useless, as about an hour before Paul rocked up, I found myself getting blindly horny and not being able to stop myself from breaking in my new vibrator. Oops. It was a fantastic wank, though, I love the way that little red love machine feels inside me. It's certainly a nice change from my fingers, no matter how skilled they are. I know there are some predominantly hetreosexual women out there who don't really go for the cock, and are perfectly happy with clitoral stimulation, but that's just not me. If given the choice between a finger twiddling my clitoris or a big hard cock thrusting in and out of me, I will choose the latter every time. Well, except maybe when I'm on my period.

In any case, I was far from spent by the time Paul arrived. In fact, despite the orgasm I'd just had, I was still tingling like crazy, and tried to distract myself by watching TV. It did help a little bit, but by the time Paul knocked on the door, I was pantsless and eyeing my legs and flat tummy in the mirror. Let it not be said that I'm not a vain cow.

Instead of ripping each other's clothes off immediately, Paul and I ended up sitting down together, and just chatting about mundane things. Still, eventually, we did start kissing, and Paul gleefully set about nuzzling some of the happy spots on my throat. We slowly peeled out of our clothes, and I dipped my hands into is underpants. My hand around his cock got his attention, and he thrust his fingers into my pussy, hard. It looks like my moans were a turn-on for him, as every time he slammed his finger into me, making me moan, his cock would strain in my hand for a moment. Eventually, I started to lose patience, and explicitly demanded that he fuck me.

He fumbled with the condom wrapping, but I had no problem keeping his cock hard in my hands while he got that sorted out. I'm mildly surprised, actually, how impressed he is with my ability to use my hands, as I wasn't really doing anything beyond the old squeezing and stroking. In any case, he got the condom on, and rammed his cock into my pussy. I was quickly reduced to a thrashing, moaning mess. After two or three orgasms, he paused to smile at me very smugly, and confided that it was a point of pride to get at least seven orgasms out of me, to beat the six that I had had the night before. Ah, the male ego. Then again, I can see myself guilty of similar things. As it was, he got me off five times before I was pretty much spent. He pulled out then, having lost his erection, and we rested for a while. There was some sort of conversation afterwards, but my brain was a little fried, so I was nowhere near as articulate as I usually am.

Eventually, he took me from behind and brought me to another three orgasms before coming himself. By then, my brain was pretty much broken, and I crashed out pretty quickly. This morning, we went for another quickie before he had to run off to work.

Okay, I've definitely lost interest in listing extra gory details at this point, so this will have to do.

Backlog: Touching base (4. January 2008)

2008-01-07T21:45:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: eleven. Yikes! Three self-inflicted.

Paul took it as a point of pride to outdo my adventure on the previous night in terms of number of orgasms. Men! More on that later, maybe.

Backlog: Promises, promises... (3. January 2008)

2008-01-07T21:42:00.000+11:00

Me: Well, tonight's your chance. :)
Him: Good, because I want to give you a nice deep dicking. :)
Me: Good to hear. :)
Him: Give your neighbours something to complain about. :)

Me? Expectant? Never.

In other news, I bought myself a new vibrator today, after my last one mysteriously disappeared a while ago. The new one is a big proud veiny bastard, red sparkly jelly with seven speeds/rythms. I have yet to try it out. That's probably for tomorrow, as Paul is coming over tonight, and I want to break it in on my own.

I also once again became aware today of the way I perve on random people, and barely even notice I'm doing it. Not so long ago, I went through a stage where I decided to be celibate for a while, partly because I didn't want to be assessing the sexual potential of every single person I meet. I'm not sure it ever worked... I maintained my celibacy for a little over three months before something inside me snapped, and I went back into sex fiend mode. And I'm back to ogling the arses and cleavages and other nice body parts around me. For example, in the supermarket today, I found myself following one of the staff members with my eyes, with said eyes glued to his posterior. And once he had disappeared, I caught myself staring at the cleavage of an Asian girl who was also shopping for her groceries.

And my housemate just walked past naked. Wahay!

I suppose the opportunity is always there, isn't it?

Backlog: Yesterday's count (3. January 2008)

2008-01-07T21:38:00.000+11:00

Yesterday's orgasm count: Nine. Three of them self-inflicted. The other six are on Gabe's account.

And tonight, Paul's coming over. Having heard of the fun I had yesterday, he's apparently quite motivated to get his share of the fun. I have certainly noticed that before, when you are with a lover after one or both of you have been with someone else, the arousal is through the roof. Hooray for variety!

Backlog: Endorphin fix (2. January 2008)

2008-01-07T21:33:00.000+11:00

Gabe called me this morning, in reply to a message I had sent him to check if we were still on for tonight.

Him: Hi Kitty, it's Gabe, how are you?
Me: Hi Gabe, I'm well, yourself?
Him: Yeah, I'm good. I'm definitely still up for tonight. Did you want me to come over?
Me: Sure. What time?
Him: When are you free?
Me: I'm pretty flexible.
Him: So am I, actually. Want to meet up earlier?
Me: Works for me.
Him: Okay, I'll make my way over soon then. I'll give you a call when I'm about to leave.
Me: Okay, talk to you soon.
Him: Talk to you soon, Kitty, bye.
Me: Bye!

He called twice to give me a status update before arriving, a few hours later. It was really nice to see him again, it had been a little while, somehow. We kissed very briefly, and I gave him the grand tour of the house, as he hadn't been to my place yet. We paused in the hallway, and ended up kissing and running our hands under each other's clothes. Shortly afterwards, we were enmeshed on the bed together, his hands going up my skirt.

Our outer clothes came off pretty swiftly after that, and I pressed myself up against him, relishing the feel of his skin. I could feel his erection rubbing against me through our underpants, and I ran my hand up the leg of his boxers, to wrap my fingers around his cock. He was already rock-hard, and my hand closing around his shaft was all the motivation he needed to whip off his boxers, put on a condom, and slide his cock inside me. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he thrust himself into my pussy, and I held on for dear life. With no housemates around, I could scream to my heart's content. Within a few moments, my first orgasm hit, and he kept fucking me until I came again. We were clinging to each other by then, and when I came for the third time, I grabbed him by the arse and pulled him into me so that I had him inside me right up to the hilt. In my orgasmic throes, I caught brief sight of his eyes widening as he came too, set off by my muscles tightly gripping him along his shaft as I continued to spasm and scream.

I was still coming when he pulled out -- sometimes I hate how you have to pull out right after ejaculating, in order for condoms to still be safe. That didn't stop me from taking quite a while to finish twitching, though. Gabe was still shaking and gasping, too, and we loosely wrapped our sweaty limbs around each other. "I couldn't stop myself from coming," he breathed. "Not with so much going on down there... that was great." I just vaguely giggled something about being glad that I could set him off. "You did," he said, and hugged me a little closer.

He ended up falling asleep, so I got up and pottered around a bit. I don't usually get this hyper after sex, but sometimes a few orgasms can have a bit of an energising effect. He woke up when I came back to bed, and we cuddled up for a bit more. This of course led to more kissing, which in turn led to both of us getting horny again. This time, I took one of my flavoured condoms, and, after putting it on him, started to suck his cock. I had wanted to do that for a while -- it's not a thing I do with every person I sleep with. I was rewarded with some very gratifying moans and whimpers as I swirled my tongue around the head of his cock, and bobbed and twisted my lips down his shaft. Part of me wishes I could have finished the job, but before I could get very far, he pulled me back up to his level and yanked me into a deep kiss. Moments later, he rolled on top of me and plunged his cock back inside me, hard as anything. Looks like he had found my mouth inspiring.

He fucked me to another three orgasms there, and I arched upwards as I came, screaming again. He did have to pause for some lube at one point -- for some reason, I don't lubricate quite as readily as I used to after a few orgasms -- and I closed my slick hand around his shaft. He slowly thrust his cock into my hand, moaning a little. When I teasingly asked him if he liked my hand, he said, "I like this better," and stuck it back into my pussy. We came together again, and I was still arching upwards for at least thirty seconds after he pulled out, riding out my last orgasm. Though I did rub myself to one more afterwards as he lay next to me. Sometimes, when I've had a whole string of orgasms, I need to wank myself to a last one post-coitus before I can relax. I think I'm a bit of an endorphin junkie, and need a certain fix in order to be happy. That's the trouble with being multiorgasmic, I guess.

We slothed around in bed for a bit more before getting up, and putting our clothes back on. He has work early tomorrow, so he couldn't stay the night. Bit of a pity, but we did still go out and have dinner together before he left. Quite a nice way to end the evening, really. Not sure when I'll see him next -- I know that this can't last, because we have very different values and ideals about sexual relationships. It's a thing we'll have to sort out eventually. I'm guessing we'll have to end up being platonic friends, much as I do enjoy fucking him. I'll just have to take what I can get for now.

Later tonight, I found myself talking to Paul, who offered to come over and fuck me some more tonight. And curse my promiscuous black soul, I was tempted! But no. I'm a nice girl, after all. That, and I'm tired as all hell, and I'll see Paul tomorrow anyway.

Backlog: Timing? (2. January 2008)

2008-01-07T21:31:00.000+11:00

Orgasm count for yesterday: 4. Not too bad.

Also, I find it quite strange how sometimes, everyone is begging for it, and at other times, it's like a great big sex-drought. For example, I am meeting up with Gabe tonight, and I had already had to tell Paul last night that today wouldn't work, so we're on for tomorrow. And to add to that, I got a random call from Dean, asking whether we'd be able to meet up sooner, and not wait until the weekend. What is it about today? Okay, I have no specific sexpectations of Dean, but I'm profoundly aware of the fact that we may end up misbehaving. His messages lately have had a rather more sexual vibe, and let's face it, I'm such a slut these days. Interestingly, I do turn heads more from random people on the street when I'm feeling slutty. I guess my body language is different at those times.

I also spent an hour on the phone with my man, with our conversation mostly focussing on dominatrix activities.

Well, it's nice to know my booty is coveted. But sometimes, you can get sick of too much attention, and end up screaming, "Fucking hell, just leave me the fuck alone!". I'm not approaching that point yet though. Not by a long shot. And chances are, come the next sex-drought, I'll be remembering days like today with great fondness.

Backlog: Resolutions (1. January 2008)

2008-01-07T21:28:00.000+11:00

I have made some spur of the moment New Year's Resolutions. Aside from documenting my adventures in this journal, I will also be keeping an orgasm count throughout the year. It's mostly for a laugh, because I have wondered before how many orgasms I have a year. I know it must be in the hundreds, I'm just curious to see whether I would hit the thousand mark. It's quite plausible. I'm also curious to see what percentage of those orgasms is self-inflicted, as I recently read that 84% of female orgasms are self-inflicted. Hmmmmm. In my case, that will of course depend on how much sex I have, as I come at the drop of a hat, with practically no work required from my partner. But I also sometimes feel like I constantly have my hands down my pants. I mean, the orgasm count for this year so far is four, and they're all self-inflcted.

There are a few other things I'd like to do this year as well. These include:

A threesome with two men, as opposed to two women. If there's double penetration involved, or if the two guys perform sex acts on each other, all the better.

Learning how to ejaculate. I've only done it a few times in my life, and I'd like to know what the control of it is... supposedly it's g-spot related. Not like I don't know where that is though. Hmm.

An all-girl puppy pile.

It's actually kind of tempting to booty call Paul, whom I've been fucking for the last few weeks. I'm sure he'd be perfectly willing, if he's not too exhausted from work. We'll see. If that falls through, I do have some definite sexpectation for Gabe, who I'm catching up with tomorrow. We had some torrid pre-Christmas sex, and now I'm wondering what will happen in the long term. Should be interesting. I'm a little doubtful that we will continue this, but you never know, and I'd be surprised if we didn't end up doing the nasty tomorrow night.

One can hope.

Backlog: The first actual entry (1. January 2008)

2008-01-07T21:26:00.000+11:00

Okay, it's not like I actually got any action last night, as I was neither partying, nor seeking it out. Oh well. :-) The closest I really got was having one of my coworkers keep wandering past, and having to tell myself not to grope his arse. It's almost a reflex for me, I've found. Reasonably nice arse walks by, and my reflex is to grope it. I don't even have to be attracted to the person -- this particular one had a few traits there were absolute deal breakers for me, I would never, ever do him.

Backlog: A starting point. (31. December 2007)

2008-01-07T21:11:00.000+11:00

The real journal, with all its sordid tales, starts tomorrow, with the new year. For now, I wanted to make a start by documenting where I am now, so to speak, as this journal is partly there to see if, in which way, and how much further I slide down the slippery slope to depravity. Therefore, I have briefly scoured the internet for one of those wonderful purity tests, and have gone with one which I find both delightfully detailed and adequately sex-oriented. Has anyone ever noticed that most purity tests go off on tangents about crime and substance abuse? This one thankfully doesn't. And without further ado, the standings are thus:

Your Ultimate Purity Test 2.0 Score Is...
	Your Score:	Average For All Users	Average For All ( total)
Dating	15.38%	34.13%	Gone steady
Self-Lovin'	39.39%	60.93%	When I think about you - or anyone - I touch myself
Shamelessness	56.45%	77.37%	It takes a couple of drinks
Sex Drive	50%	75.03%	I got needs, baby, you gotta unnastan'!
Straightness	3.7%	39.27%	Knows the other body type like a map
Gayness	25.93%	78.18%	At least one weekend of ecstasy
Dominant	63.33%	86.72%	Not afraid to tie the knot
Submissive	63.49%	87.09%	Bound and gagged a few times
Fucking Sick	76.53%	89.84%	Refreshingly normal
Total Score	48.67%	73.75%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test 2.0 and see how you match up! (By The Ferrett)

So, once more, to clarify: this journal will be tracking my sexual ~~mis~~adventures over this coming year. I intend to be quite explicit about it, too. Then at the end of the year, I'll take this test again, and see if I have plummeted any further, or whether I'm turning into a boring old fuddy duddy, at the ripe old age of twenty-three. ;-)

Speaking of which, here is a quick taste of what kind of person I am. Obviously, I'm a horny piece of work. In terms of appearance, I can't complain: I often get told I'm cute, sexy, beautiful, gorgeous, etc, and generally, I'm quite happy with my reflection in the mornings. I am relatively tall and trim, blue-eyed, brunette, C-cup.

I am in an open relationship, and sometimes maintain two or three fuckbuddyships simultaneously. I do have a primary partner whom I adore, but who is also only very rarely around due to work. He obviously knows about everything I get up to. We have been together for a few years now. The rules are to always play safely, get tested if there are any accidents, and not do anything you know would upset your partner. We also disclose the gory details to each other, partly because it's fun to share our adventures and thus feel more intimate, and partly because one feels less inclined to wonder what the other partner was like, whether he/she was better than us, and so on.