Watch me.

Perhaps I am a flaming narcissist. I'm certainly pretty fucking vain. And, by the looks of it, a bit of an exhibitionist. Maybe they're interchangable.

My recent dip into the Amateur Porn industry has kick started a few interesting things inside me. As I very briefly mentioned in the post linked here, it was a positive experience. I had never expected this to happen, especially as I was already pretty happy and confident with the way I look, but... well, that feeling of being happy in my own skin has actually increased. Now, more than ever, do I look at myself with my little pockets of flab, cellulite, stretch marks and all, and think myself beautiful. Even when I'm having a "fat day", I can still look at myself and like what I see. It's like I have become less self-critical as a result of this.

But that's not all of it. I also discovered that I liked the idea of people looking at explicit nudes of me. And it makes me hope that I get a call again sometime soon, for the sake of one of the masturbation videos. I like the thought of people seeing them. I want to be able to say, "Hey people, this is how a real woman comes! Watch and learn." I guess it comes from having masturbated in front of quite a few lovers in my time. Originally, it was a combination of still being horny post-coitus, and wanting to show my lover what to aim for when attempting to get me off. But, I guess, as I time went on, I started to get off on having someone watch me. And having me in the throes of my pleasure on film, being watched by who knows how many people... well, the thought is kind of satisfying.

And it was with this thought in mind that I wanked myself silly today. I had already had two orgasms for the day -- one before getting up, and one whilst on the phone with Stripey -- but ended up wanking to what must have been another five. It was greedy and hot and in rapid succession. And they were pretty damn good orgasms, too. I came quite close to fisting myself, near the end. But I suppose I was pretty fucking horny anyway. In fact, I have been taking a lot of opportunities for flirtation lately, even if I am currently being sort of monogamous.