A new theory, and some musings stemming from it.

It's a doozy: the female "rape" fantasy. Of course, those words having passed my metaphorical lips, I immediately have to add this: No, women do NOT want to be raped, and if you believe that they do, you are a fucking moron.

There, that's out of the way. Now on to what I've wanted to say: something occurred to me today. Okay, no woman wants to be raped, but there does seem to be this universal little fantasy that seems to bubble up from the depths of our reptilian brains. What's up with that? I mean, there does seem to be something in it that is consistent with the rape theme, doesn't there? And to explain what occurred to me, I'm afraid I'll have to delve into the concept of rape a bit more. My apologies, I'll try to make it quick.

When you get right down to it, what is rape all about? A man getting so turned on that he just loses control? Shyeah, right. If you honestly think that, then go crawl back into your cave. It's not like only attractive girls get raped. It's about control. Sure, I'll concede that there probably are cases of rape out there where a guy starts out getting normally friendly with a girl, and she draws the line, he gets pissed off, and rapes her. But by then, from my understanding, it's fuelled by the anger at having the control taken away, rather than actual arousal.

In a "civilised" world where, let's not candy coat here, women are still in more danger of that sort of shit than men, women tend to cling to their control. And let's face it, you really can't fault them.

But I reckon that beneath that vice grip on that control, there is a desire to let go, and, even more importantly, for it to be safe to lose control. But even that loss of control isn't the be all and end all. Judging by a little stray fantasy that entered my mind today, I can have a stab at what it is: it is a desire to not be the one in control when entering into coitus with someone one is insanely attracted to, but, for some reason, shouldn't be sleeping with. It washes our hands of the responsibility. And many a woman may lust like crazy after some particular man who is taboo, like maybe someone with whom she has a strictly professional relationship, or a housemate, or a friend's spouse... she may not even let herself really fantasise about it, because she's a good girl and would not do that, it's just not on, and she can't get into it. But what if this hot piece of manflesh were to sneak under the covers with her, flooding her in those delicious pheromones, and though she wants it, she still says no, but her words are drowned out by heated kisses until she hangs limp in his grip, dripping wet, ready to be taken?

Sound familiar? Yeah, Mills and Boon built a fucking empire on this shit. And it does sell. While I admit I have never read any of them, I get the impression that a large chunk involve the feisty lassie asserting her toughness (Psh!) by, well, being feisty and oh-so-inflamed and angry at the smug muscle-bound alpha male, who proceeds to strip away her defenses with his, er, sex appeal (oh, she so wants it!), and gives her a thorough rogering. It's always made ever so clear that she just wants him so fucking much, even though she, you know, technically hates his guts. Which, by the way, leads into the hate-fuck, which in turn fits well into that theme.

I guess what it boils down to is that the line of consent is blurred. But even so, it can still be defined: she wants it on a primal level, but has some other issues, usually something to do with society not deeming it acceptable, that make her say no. It's still a thing that can't truly be recognised in real life.

So this, I suspect, is how the fanasy works. And some rapists do seem to say, "Oh, she wanted it, the little slut". Again, if this is a belief of yours, I advise you not to say that in front of a militant lesbian, or even a sweet yet assertive lass like myself, because I certainly couldn't guarantee that you would leave with your reproductive system intact. Let's dispel another myth here: "Sluts" do NOT want to be raped EITHER. Some people seem to have this fucked-up idea that you can't rape a whore, because she loves it. Fuck. Off. Let me tell you something: it already pisses me off enough that some peopel seem to believe that I will fuck anyone who asks, no matter what, just because I am sexually liberated. No. N-O. NO.

Let me clarify something here, while I'm on the topic: I love sex. And if I am attracted to someone, chances are, I will try and get into that person's pants, and not give a flying fuck about "waiting" or the "slut" stereotype. But if I'm not attracted to someone? They don't have a popsicle's chance in hell. And if someone tried to get pushy on me, and would not listen to polite refusals, no, I would not stop at kicking their arse.

Over the last few years, I have been shocked to hear recounts from my female friends who had sex with someone, because they deemed it to be safer to just play along. They were basically pressured. And just the other day, I myself fended off the advances of a man of whom I suspect that he is the type who ends up getting lucky with those women who don't fucking speak up for fear of ensuing violence. The guy wasn't even a bad person, from what I could tell, but he seemed to have developed this perception that if you push hard enough, and break into the fortress of a woman's defenses, you're home free, and it's all okay. It doesn't help that many women who aren't interested don't have the guts (for whatever reason) to just say no. I did politely refuse this man, and push him away, and he behaved. But I still felt dirty afterwards, partly because I couldn't help but wonder how many women slept with him just because they decided saying No wasn't worth the potential danger. It makes me sick, because guys like him probably wouldn't become rapists, if you just made it clear he didn't have your consent. It's just one little word. One word is all it takes to make it crystal clear. So many of us are so paralysed by fear that we don't even get out of the situations we do have some control over, and that's just fucking stupid.

And, on the other side of that particular spectrum, I do actually think it would be nice if less women who are interested in the fellow felt the need to be wheedled into bed over a period of who knows how long, just to satisfy their own fragile egos. Grow up. You're not bloody helping. While it's fine to want to take a relationship slowly, and be clear about your motives, it's another matter entirely if you're playing "hard to get", and keeping someone guessing, just because you need them to validate your attractiveness. We really don't need the line any more fucking blurred than it already is.

Yes, I have said before that I think a lot of my fellow women are full of shit. And it is that kind of behaviour that I mean. But even so, there is never, EVER and excuse for sexual coersion. Guys, if you're going to be fulfilling a girl's "rape" fantasy, chances are it will be previously agreed on, with safe words. It's the illusion of losing control. And frankly, I'd be tempted to say that if a girl plays "hard to get", then bloody drop her. Chances are, she's not worth it, and only reinforces a negative stereotype. Both men and women have their share of responsibility to take here. And at the end of the day, it is never EVER the victim's fault, so anyone trying to push the blame on them can just fucking fuck off. Even if the victim is one of those reinforcers of negative stereotypes.

Okay, I'm done with the vitriol. So much for keeping the delving into rape part short.