Yeah but no but yeah but

I wonder: has anyone here ever had that weird syndrome where you find someone insanely attractive, but the tought of sleeping with them almost kind of repulses you? I know that at least one of my female friends has had that, so I'm wondering if it's a girl thing, or a rare thing, or totally common.

I'm currently trialling for a new job, and there is quite a bit of training involved. One of the people who does the training is, to put it mildly, a sexy bitch. Of course, there is the whole professional relationship thing, so it's a no go anyway, but even as I perve at him, I know deep down I don't want to actually fuck him, even if it weren't for the social barrier. And I'm not even sure what it is. The other day, when he was addressing us newbies as a group, I found myself surreptitiously staring at where his shirt was tucked into his pants, neat and smart as you please. And my hands had a deep urge to untuck that shirt and stroke his torso, knowing full well that I'd encounter rock-hard muscle. The man is very fit, and on occasion, his shirt drapes in a way that showcases a beautiful set of pecs. When I'm lucky, I catch a glimpse of an erect nipple poking through the material. And another thing that makes him almost intolerably sexy: his veins pop out of his arms like crazy! I can see them criss-crossing over the backs of his hands, and running up his arms into his short sleeves.

Actually, now that I'm not looking at him, I'm even having thoughts of my hands not leaving it at untucking the shirt, but also opening his belt buckle, unbuttoning his pants, and trailing into his pubes, assuming he doesn't wax or anything like that. But beyond that, my brain won't let me get any further. I suspect that if he were standing in front of me now, I wouldn't even be able to go as far as the pubes, in my imagination. My brain just sort of baulks. I have, experimentally, tried to build him into a sexual fantasy, and it just won't work, which I find intriguing. I still blissfully perve at him nonetheless, but something about him just puts it totally out of the question for me, and I just can't put my finger on what it is. It makes me wonder if it is really something about him, or perhaps the professional relationship that puts him in a superior position to me. I wonder if that's the big turn-off. Because apart from his gorgeous body, he is also a pretty good-looking man, and he has that kind of neatly cropped hair that I have developed a strange obsession with. But, to tell you the truth, I can't even really imagine him having a penis (let alone the ability to get an erection), though I assume that he must have one, of course. I mean, the chances of him being a eunuch are kind of remote. And, if I try to play the completely unrealistic scene of him propositioning me, my reaction in that scene, every time, is a double-take followed by "What the fuck? Um, no."

It's an interesting phenomenon. It's almost as if my appreciation of his body were purely aesthetic, but it can't just be that, because I know that I got pretty wet perving at him the other day, and I actively avoided him at lunch, for fear of my heart jumping into my mouth.

By contrast, there's another fellow, on the same level as him, but who has not actively trained any of us. I have had the occasional brief chat with him, and when we parted after our most recent one, I found myself thinking, well yeah, I would. He's nothing to be sneered at, either, though perhaps a tiny little bit more on the cute side. I've certainly not spent anywhere near as much time ogling him, but my subconcious does come up with possibilities of seducing this one, though I'm pretty sure that that would be a terrible idea, too, and I have no intention of finding out. But the question remains: what the hell is it about the other guy? Do I just have a very effective "professional relationship, no touchie" filter? Or does the previously mentioned bloke just totally not smell right? Actually, I don't think I would know, because I haven't really come in a close enough vicinity of him to get a whiff of his pheromones. Mind you, impeccable as he is, I suspect he somehow manages to not sweat, and thus not smell sexy. And he also carries himself in a somewhat unapproachable way, and smiles only rarely. That could be it, actually: a broad smile is one of the sexiest thing a man can have, and he doesn't have it. There's something kind of stern about him, and it wards me right off.

Odd. Very odd. I suppose I should be grateful that I'm not consuming myself with an actual desire to fuck him senseless, and am instead left with this little puzzle, but it still occupies my mind at times. I don't know, has anyone here experienced anything similar, or am I just weird?