Fight fucking club

Yesterday's orgasm count: two. Very poor. That would also explain why when I wanked this morning, my juices drenched my hand, and I wanked to three intense orgasms right on the spot. I think I'm getting closer to this whole squirting thing, too, because the juice that drenched my hand had that strange pearly quality that I seem to remember ye olde proper girl cum having.

I'm half-way through watching Fight Club at the moment. It's been a little while since I last saw it. Ever notice when you watch the same movie or read the same book a few years apart, you realise new things about it? It's obvious, of course, but I still had to say it.

For some reason, I find that the whole fighting element of it resounding with me more these days. I think that's because I've been feeling a bit more cathartic lately. And when you add to that the noisy Tyler and Marla sex scenes, it just makes me want to fight fuck someone. I want the kind of fuck where you snarl at each other like animals, literally struggling against each other, nails biting into each other's skin, trying to gain the upper hand.

Actually, I suspect my "fight fuck" desires might be a bit of a manifestation of the "rape fantasy" that is kind of common among women, though few of us will admit to it. Now, before I go on, let me make this perfectly clear: Women do not want to be raped, and if you interpreted my last words in a way that suggested that they did, then you're fucked in the head.

There are plenty of misconceptions about rape, it seems. Some people seem to honestly think that rape occurs because men want the sex, rather than to control and overpower the women. While there probably are some rape cases that fall into the former category, at the end of the day, rape is about power and control, and when control is taken from someone that way, it is obviously profoundly damaging. I have too many isolated little theories to go into right now, and this is not really what I want this post to be about, but I do think that the common "rape fantasy" is actually the desire to lose control, to relinquish it, like any other form of submission. And yeah, there is a certain appeal in a man just wanting you so badly that he just takes you. In the safe little realm of your fantasy, it does manage to be appealing.

I, however, relish more in the power struggle. The truth is, the thought of someone trying to violently take control of me fills me with rage, which, in a horny moment like this, can manifest in that desire to fight fuck; to take on someone who wants to take control of me, to struggle for the upper hand, and end up taking control of him.

Maybe that's why my dominant tendencies generally only surface with men who are generally also dominant, or at least fancy themselves in some sort of position of power over women. I get a certain sadistic delight out of showing them how wrong they are, and putting them in their place.

Though I suppose the Tyler and Marla sex scenes will always strike a chord with me, as it is rare for couples to be so unbridled and noisy. It's rapidly getting old how my lovers are initially shocked at the way I let loose. I do wonder sometimes how many people realise just how much sexual potential they are restraining simply by putting so much effort into being quiet. I quite honestly believe that it should be more socially acceptable to have noisy sex. But maybe that's because I kind of like listening in on people fucking with a gleeful passion...